Seeing Double

Author's Note: Two realities, but only one was his... and it threatened never to be the same again. An episode tag for Season 3’s Point Of View; and begins just after Jack steps back through the Quantum Mirror.

Pairing: Sam/Jack.

Rating: General.

First Published: May 2013.

Status: COMPLETE.

CHAPTER ONE

Jack continued to stare at the disconnected quantum mirror. In all honesty, he didn't know what else to do.

When Doctor Carter had kissed him, every nerve ending in his body had reacted in a way he never thought it would. The intensity of the reaction was something he wasn't expecting; it was on a scale he had never experienced before, not even with Sara and that surprised him, not to mention made him feel a little guilty.

Now, as he stood and stared at the alien technology, the implications of his actions began to sink in and he didn't know what the hell to do, think or say.

He could see Sam's blue, pain-filled eyes staring back at him as she came to the realization that he really wasn't her husband.

His skin felt like it was on fire from where her fingers had danced along the side of his neck as she kissed him.

He could taste her on his lips and tongue; he could smell the faint residue of her perfume on his clothes from where she had leaned against him.

It was like an assault on his senses and she was overwhelming him...

Closing his eyes, Jack tried to push all of the sensations out of his mind. For one, it wasn't his Carter, and two, he quickly remembered he really shouldn't be thinking of any Carter in that kind of way.

Before his thoughts had time to go down a dangerous road, General Hammond's voice shattered the heavy silence.

"Colonel, I'd like you, Doctor Jackson and Teal'c to visit the infirmary - Doctor Fraiser is expecting you," he added, letting them know their visit wasn't an option. "Then," he hesitated slightly, "I'd like to see you in my office, Colonel."

"Yes, Sir," he replied quietly, his back still to everyone in the room.

Nodding once, the General's gaze lingered on the Colonel for a moment longer before he turned on his heel and left the members of SG-1 alone.

As the sound of Hammond's footsteps faded, Jack spoke.

"You heard the General. Daniel, Teal'c... Go get checked out," he ordered gently.

His gaze never left the mirror before him, but he knew the instant his friends left the room, leaving him and his Carter alone.

Turning slowly, his eyes landed on her. Pursing his lips, he studied her closely. She was so like the other Carter, yet so different.

Her hair was shorter, obviously, but still a brilliant shade of blonde. She wasn't dressed in civilian clothing, but in baggy BDUs which hid her tall and slender frame. However, the most striking difference he noticed, was when he risked a quick glance downwards and saw there no rings on her left hand.

Swallowing hard against the sudden lump in his throat, Jack forced his eyes back up to the Major's face and he froze.

Those eyes. They were the same. The exact damn same. Wide, blue and full of pain. Why the pain was there, Jack wasn't entirely sure, but before he could ask or think anything through properly, he slowly and purposefully moved towards her.

He kept going, only stopping when he was millimeters from her. He was well within her personal space, and he had overstepped a military boundary or three by doing so, but at that moment, Jack didn't really care.

He heard Sam's sharp intake of breath as he stared down at her. When she let it go, he felt her breath tickle his neck. Resisting the urge to shudder as his body started to react; Jack's eyes darted down to her lips. He watched as Sam's tongue involuntarily licked her lips. Stifling a moan, he closed his eyes and leaned forward.

His lips hovered beside Sam's ear, so close he would've sworn he had just leaned in a little too close, and they'd brushed her earlobe.

He immediately dismissed the thought as ridiculous. He couldn't have let his guard down that much... could he?

He took a deep breath.

He couldn't be here. He needed to get away.

"I'm sorry, Carter," he whispered, before brushing past her and leaving her alone with the quantum mirror and a room full of distorted emotions.

***

CHAPTER TWO

***

The Colonel's defenses fell the second the elevator doors slid shut and he slammed his fist against the wall.

Ignoring the pain in his hand and arm, he closed his eyes and swore softly as he rested his head against the cool metal.

Jack liked to be in control. He always had, and that feeling of command had only intensified over the years due to his military training. Sure, there had been times when things had certainly been beyond his control; like when he had been held prisoner during his Black Op days, or when Charlie had... Jack shook his head to try and clear his mind of those dark thoughts, but as the elevator door lurched to a stop, the momentum made him dizzy.

He placed a hand against the wall and took a deep breath as his vision cleared and the confined space of the elevator slowly merged back into its proper place. Ironically, he felt like it was mirroring his life at that moment. He felt like his life was spiralling out of control, and he didn't like it. The reasons as to why, he decided, could wait until he was alone with a bottle of beer... or three.

As the elevator pinged cheerily and the doors opened to Level 21, Jack schooled his features and pushed himself off the wall.

***

He entered the infirmary to see Daniel and Janet talking in hushed tones and his step faltered slightly as he moved further into the room. Their discussion stopped abruptly once the archeologist caught a glimpse of the Colonel and his dark expression. Before he had a chance to utter a word, however, the Colonel spoke.

"Let's get this over with Doc. Hammond needs to see me ASAP."

Casting a quick glance to Daniel, Janet nodded and mumbled a 'Yes, Sir', before making her way over to the bed he had not-so-gracefully plonked himself.

"Roll up your sleeve," the petite doctor instructed as she moved around him.

Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed his movements lacked their usual fluidity and ease. Deciding a rebuff was worth the risk, she took a deep breath.

"Is everything okay, Sir?"

His gaze slid sideways towards her, but his expression remained neutral.

"Fine, Doc."

She pursed her lips, feeling slightly smug as she stuck a needle in the Colonel's arm and he winced.

"Is Major Carter behind you, Sir?"

Jack continued to stare straightahead. "No idea, Doc."

She pursed her lips slightly, as she withdrew the needle and set the vial on a tray. "It must have been strange for her."

The Colonel's eyes snapped to hers. "What's that?"

"There being two of her... Sir."

"Oh. Oh, that... Yeah," he mumbled, looking at his hands.

Janet tilted her head to the side as she studied the man in front of her.

"Colonel, are you sure everything is okay?"

Jack nodded, but didn't say anything else, letting Janet finish poking and prodding him in silence.

Ten minutes later and with Daniel and Teal'c being cleared to leave the infirmary, the Colonel half-rolled his eyes when Fraiser gave him strict orders to stay put for a further ten minutes as she waited for his remaining results to come back. He watched her walk away, only letting out a heavy sigh when she entered her office.

Running a hand across his hand across his face, he felt rather than heard someone behind him. A part of him hoped it was Carter; he wouldn't admit it to anyone, but he had been expecting her to follow them to the infirmary, and the fact that she hadn't made an appearance, stung Jack more than he thought.

He heard the slight rustle of fabric behind him as the person moved closer and felt his heartbeat start to speed up. However, his gut was telling him it wasn't Carter standing behind him. He wasn't sure why, but lately, he'd been able to tell the instant she was behind him, or when she was just about to walk into a room.

He closed his eyes in resignation. He really was in trouble.

"Is everything okay, Jack?" Daniel asked carefully.

The Colonel tensed slightly. All of a sudden he wished it was Carter standing there. He pursed his lips, but didn't say anything. He could virtually imagine Daniel glancing around the room as he decided on what to say next.

"Umm... Jack?"

Jack squinted slightly and he looked down at his entwined hands resting between his knees.

"I heard you the first time," he replied.

Daniel nodded slightly, pushing his glasses back up his nose.

"Oh. Uh, well?"

"Everything's just peachy," the older man replied dryly as he hopped off the bed and picked up one of the medical instruments Janet had left lying on the tray.

He could feel Daniel's eyes on him, but refused to turn around.

"Are you sure?"

The sound of the instrument clanging off the metal resonated around the infirmary as Jack threw it down and spun around. Daniel couldn't help but wince as he watched his friend's hands ball into fists at his sides before he leaned forward and rested them on the bed.

Daniel glanced behind Jack when he saw Janet emerge in her office doorway. Blinking slowly, he saw her retreat and as he shifted his gaze to Jack, he tried not to look surprised at the dangerous expression staring back.

"I said everything is fine, Daniel," he answered in a low voice, secretly telling his friend to drop the issue.

The two teammates stared at each other, until Daniel finally looked away. Jack felt himself relax until Daniel crossed his arms in front of his chest and rocked back on his heels. It was then, that Jack remembered his friend never was any good at picking up on subtlety.

"You're fine?" the archeologist asked dubiously.

"Yup."

"After everything that's just happened?"

Jack shrugged. "We helped them return home and saved the planet. Mission accomplished."

Daniel tilted his head to the side. "That's not what I meant."

"We do this everyday, Daniel. It's our job," Jack continued regardless. "This was no different," he mumbled quietly, diverting his gaze to the bed.

Daniel narrowed his eyes. "Isn't it?"

Jack slowly met the younger man's eye, but this time, the anger and threatening edge he had, had disappeared. In its place, stood a conflicted man - one who was hurting, confused and... scared.

Daniel sighed heavily. "Jack -"

"I don't want to hear it, Daniel," Jack cut in, picking up another instrument and twirling it in his hands.

"Have you spoken to Sam?"

The Colonel didn't respond, but he didn't need to, the tightening of his jaw told Daniel all he needed to know.

"Don't you think you should?" Daniel continued unpeturbed.

Jack's eyes flew to Daniel's and the archeologist fought the urge to put some space between the two of them. Before he could act on the thought, however, Jack's clipped tone stopped him.

"And just what the hell am I supposed to say?" Jack challenged.

He watched Daniel flounder for a few seconds before he opened his arms wide and gave his friend a look that said, 'Exactly'.

"Look, Daniel," Jack muttered after a beat.

"This isn't the first time this has happened, you know," Daniel stated quietly, his eyebrows rising just above the rim of his glasses.

Jack pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. "What's that?"

"Uh, well... Uh..." He looked over his shoulder, before continuing. "You and Sam."

Jack's expression immediately hardened and he raised his two index fingers in protest. His voice was low when he spoke. "Daniel, it was one time and that damn virus turned us into cavemen... people... whatever."

He frowned slightly when he realized how that sounded. Shaking his head, he tried again, only for Daniel to talk over him.

"No, no. I meant the whole... alternate reality... thing," the younger man clarified, waving a hand around.

"Oh!" Jack's expression cleared, before a confused look settled. "Huh?"

"When the mirror transported me to a different reality two years ago, you and Sam were engaged. This time, you were married - it's the natural progression of a relationship."

"One that goes against regulations."

"Not in their realities."

"What's your point, Daniel?"

"Well, we've encountered the quantum mirror twice now, but it's been two different realities..."

When he trailed off, Jack waved his hand in a circle, encouraging him to continue. "Yeah? So? Therefore?"

Daniel snapped his mouth shut. He frowned a little before he took a deep breath.

"One of the main constants in both worlds, was the fact that you and Sam were together."

Jack didn't like where this conversation was going, but chose to act as nonchalent as possible. "I say again, what's your point?" he questioned.

"Doesn't that say something to you?" Daniel asked with a shrug.

Jack drew in a long breath and let it go, puffing out his cheeks. "No."

"Jack!" Daniel exclaimed in exasperation before sighing heavily. "You know, you're not as stupid as you like to pretend."

The Colonel raised a brow at his friend's bluntness, but his surprise soon disappeared at the question that followed.

"Were you surprised to discover you were married to Sam?"

Jack pursed his lips, but didn't answer. Eventually, he settled for a shrug, because in all honesty, he wasn't as surprised as he probably should have been.

Daniel nodded at the answer and folded his arms across his chest. "It's funny when you think about it, really."

When the Colonel continued to stare blankly, he continued. "Well... Sam was... is... a civilian in the other reality... but here, she's part of the Air Force."

Jack frowned in confusion. "How's that funny?"

"No matter what career choice she's made... her path always seems to cross with yours. It's almost like fate," he added quietly after a beat.

Jack stiffened and was about to protest, when Daniel stopped him.

"You should talk to her, Jack," he said quietly.

The Colonel ran a hand across his face. He knew Daniel was right - it didn't mean he liked the idea though.

"Yeah, I know," he eventually agreed. "I just... I don't do the whole 'talking' thing," he added with a shrug.

Daniel offered his friend a small smile. "It might be easier than you think."

Jack met his friend's eye. "How's that?"

"Because maybe things are different this time," Daniel said thoughtfully, before turning and leaving the Colonel alone with his thoughts.

***

CHAPTER THREE

***

Jack was out of the infirmary the instant Janet gave him the all clear. He didn't even respond to her shouts for him to take it easy for the rest of the day, just in case there were some effects to using the quantum mirror that they hadn't discovered yet.

He let out a breath he didn't realize he'd been holding as he stepped into the elevator and found it to be empty once more. Reaching out, his fingers hovered over the buttons. The idea of heading to the surface and just going home briefly crossed his mind, but then he remembered the look on Hammond's face as he had been about to step back through the mirror and realized he really didn't want to risk pushing his luck with his Commanding Officer any further, he slammed the button for Level 28 and waited as the elevator started its slow journey down to Hammond's office.

***

The Colonel slowed as he approached the General's office. He could hear him talking on the phone, and while he couldn't make out his side of the conversation, he did wince when he heard his CO's dismissal of 'Thank you, Doctor', moments before the phone was slammed down.

No doubt Fraiser had just ratted him out for leaving the infirmary without waiting to hear what she had to say.

He huffed loudly; he'd never learn to stop pissing the good doctor off.

"Come in, Colonel," the General called from his office and Jack closed his eyes.

"Close the door," he added when Jack stepped inside the suddenly claustrophobic office.

He slowly followed the order and took a seat; as he watched Hammond watch him, he decided to act as nonchalant as possible, and hopefully minimize the risk of implicating himself any further in something which could land both himself and Carter with a court martial.

"Jack!"

The Colonel's attention snapped back to the present and he couldn't help but frown slightly at the concerned look being directed at him from the other side of the desk. He didn't realize Hammond had started speaking.

"Sir?"

"I asked how you were feeling, Colonel."

"Oh. I'm fine," he replied evenly.

He chose to ignore the disbelieving look on the General's face. Thankfully, he didn't need to say anything else.

"Yes, Doctor Frasier said she gave you a clean bill of health, but advised you take the rest of the day off as a precaution. The same goes for Doctor Jackson and Teal'c."

Jack nodded. He vaguely remembered the doc saying something about the matter. When the silence stretched to the point of almost becoming uncomfortable, the General repeated his original question.

"How are you son, really?"

Jack hesitated at the address before he carefully schooled his features. He pursed his lips before answering.

"I'm fine, Sir."

He tried not to fidget under the scrutiny. Eventually, the General lifted a folder and handed it to him.

"Very well. I want to talk to you about that mirror."

Jack instinctively straightened and hoped the General hadn't picked up on his discomfort.

"What about it?"

Shooting Jack a wary look, he continued. "The orders are to have it destroyed. I want you to oversee the assignment."

His eyes never left the Colonel's as he delivered the order. Jack nodded in response.

"I want it gone as soon as possible. We can't risk someone else coming through and the consequences it might bring."

"Understood, Sir."

"Make sure you do, Colonel."

Jack slowly met his Commanding Officer's eye, his expression remaining neutral. When he responded, he surprised himself at how calm his voice was.

"If that's everything, General…" he trailed off as he moved to stand.

"Not quite. I'd also like to talk to you about your earlier actions."

The Colonel bit back a groan and slowly lowered himself back into the chair.

"Sir, I –" He hesitated for a second, before wincing and running a hand across the back of his neck. He really didn't want to discuss this with anyone, let alone his Commanding Officer.

"She thought I was her husband, General. I…"

He trailed off once again, not quite sure how to continue. Hammond sighed heavily. Resting his elbows on the desk, he leaned forward and clasped his fingers together.

"Do I need to place SG-1 on stand down?"

Jack frowned slightly. "Sir?"

"This has been a… delicate situation, Jack. I'd understand if you want to take a few days to –"

"There's no problem with my team, Sir," he replied defensively.

"Be that as it may, I think you and… other members of your team… need to solve any issues that have arisen as a result of Doctor Carter's visit."

The General hesitated as he thought over his next sentence.

"Jack, I'm not going to order you to tell me, but I need to know –"

"Nothing has ever happened between myself and my… ah… Major Carter. Sir," he stated, refusing to acknowledge his near miss at referring to Carter as 'his'.

He waited patiently as Hammond studied him. After what felt like hours, he caught his almost imperceptible nod.

"I appreciate your candor, Colonel."

Jack nodded once in response. "Do you need anything else, Sir?" he asked, waving a hand around in a vague gesture.

"Just one more thing."

Jack tried not to roll his eyes. "Once that mirror is destroyed, I suggest you do talk to Major Carter."

The Colonel started to protest. "General –"

"It's not an order, it's a request. There's no doubt your team is always able to bounce back from situations, but these last few days won't have been easy for her. As a member of your team…"

"…It's my responsibility to make sure she's okay. Yes Sir," Jack finished. "I, ah, I was actually going to see Carter after this meeting and… ah… apologize," he added quietly, avoiding Hammond's eye.

"Major Carter is no longer on the base."

Jack's eyes flew to the man sitting at the other side of the large, wooden table.

"Is she okay?"

Jack winced the moment the words left his mouth. So much for acting nonchalant; especially when the General was now giving him that look.

"She's fine," he eventually shared. "She requested the rest of the day off, that's all."

Jack's expression remained unreadable, but he could feel his panic rising. He'd never known Carter to willingly take leave.

He wasn't stupid though, and couldn't blame her for wanting to get as far away from the base – and from him – as possible.

He knew he'd reacted badly upon his arrival to their reality, but if he was honest he had been totally blindsided by the experience, not to mention scared, by the unexpected and intense emotions he was now feeling.

Realizing he really needed to apologize to her, or at least attempt to try and explain his actions, he went to speak. As if reading his thoughts, however, the General beat him to it and gently broke the deafening silence.

"Take the next couple of days off and try to sort out any issues before you return, Colonel. Dismissed."

Nodding once in affirmation, Jack slapped his hands on his thighs as he stood from the chair. He had just reached the door when the General's voice stopped him.

"And Jack?"

The Colonel half turned to face him.

"Yes, Sir?"

"Tread carefully, son."

Jack straightened. There was no mistaking the warning look in his Commander's eye; the one referring to the military's strict fraternization rules. However, there was also the quiet, almost sympathetic tone with which he had addressed Jack; the one that spoke more of a concerned friend.

Nodding slowly, Jack opened the office door.

"Yes, Sir."

As the Colonel made his way across the Briefing Room and down the stairs, Hammond sighed heavily. He suddenly had a horrible feeling that things were about to get a lot more complicated.

***

CHAPTER FOUR

***

Sam didn't hang around the mirror once the Colonel brushed by her. She also made the decision not to follow her teammates down to the infirmary, even though she knew she should. The scientist in her had so many questions, so many theories she wanted to explore, but she couldn't bring herself to voice any of them.

She caught a glimpse of her Commanding Officer before the elevator doors slid shut and she let out a breath when she realized she wouldn't have to share the small space with him. After a brief wait on her own elevator, Sam soon found herself on Level 25 and standing in front of her locker, staring intently at the photograph in her hand.

She wasn't sure if minutes or hours had passed when she finally made a decision. Returning the photo, she slammed her locker shut and turned on her heel. A few minutes later, and Sam was outside General Hammond's office, her hand raised and knocking on the door before she could stop it.

As she stood in front of the oversized desk, rambling off a barrage of words she wasn't even sure made sense, Sam tried to ignore the concerned expression on the General's face and kept talking. What she'd said in the end, she didn't actually know, but assumed it had made some sense. Either that, or he just felt sorry for her, because with a gentle reminder that it wasn't necessary for her to attend the post-mission briefing, she was granted the rest of the day off.

It took her all of fifteen minutes to change into civvies, sign out and make her way home.

***

Sam closed the front door and leaned against it. Closing her eyes, she tried to process the events of the last few days - the last few hours in particular - but didn't know where to begin. Sighing, she threw her keys onto the hall table. Bypassing the front room, kitchen and the blinking red light of her answering machine, Sam shirked off her jacket, headed up the stairs and into the bathroom.

She placed her hands on the edge of the sink and leaned towards the mirror, studying her reflection. She looked tired and paler than she imagined and if she looked closer she could see a series of small lines around her eyes.

Straightening, she tried to put some distance between herself and the image staring back at her. Spinning around, she froze when a piece of paper fell from her pocket. Stooping to pick it up, she gazed at it wistfully. She could feel her eyes filling with tears, but she refused to cry.

She didn't even know why she wanted to cry. Suddenly feeling frustrated, she set it down and hit the bath taps with more force than was undoubtedly necessary and tried to relax as she watched the tub fill with water.

Sinking beneath the bubbles, Sam reached over and grabbed the photograph resting on the edge of the tub. She studied it closely, held it at arms length, flipped it over and over and at one stage even found her fingers delicately tracing the subject's outline.

She shook her head in bemusement - she didn't even know what she was looking for. If anything. All she could see and think was the moment she had come to own the photo.

***

Sam frowned as she heard the soft sound of someone clearing their throat behind her. Turning slowly, her eyes widened when she saw Doctor Carter hovering in the doorway.

"Am I interrupting anything?" she asked nervously, before making her way further into Major Carter's lab.

Sam glanced over her shoulder. "No, I just wanted to check something before you all went through the mirror." She paused slightly before continuing. "Shouldn't you be getting ready?" she asked, noticing the lack of guns or... anything really, that might protect her counterpart from the Goa'uld.

"Oh, I'm ready," she said with a shrug, which reminded Sam immediately of the Colonel. "I, ah, wanted to talk to you about something."

"Okay," she answered slowly as she straightened and tried not to let her unease show.

Sam watched as the other Sam glanced around the lab. Even though there were significant differences between the two of them, she knew exactly how her alternate self was feeling at that particular moment. She was nervous, but also worried - as if she was debating whether or not she should voice whatever was on her mind. What was on Doctor Carter's mind, however, wasn't on Sam's, and she couldn't hide her confusion when she finally broke the silence.

The scientist took a step forward. "I want you to have this," she said simply, holding out a piece of paper. It was facing downwards, so Sam couldn't see what was on it. Frowning slightly, she met her double's eye and searched for an answer. All that was forthcoming was a small, almost knowing smile.

Her frown deepened when Doctor Carter added, "Just because we're from different realities, doesn't make it any less real."

With that, she placed the item in Sam's hand.

Glancing down, the Major went to ask what it was only to realize she was once again alone in her lab. Sighing, she looked down and flipped over the paper, only to freeze at the image now staring back at her. It was one of her and Colonel O'Neill in a lover's embrace on what appeared to be their wedding day.

Sam sucked in a breath and reached out to lean on one of the benches as the room started to spin. She didn't have too long to think about the implications of what her counterpart had just suggested - or what would happen if someone else at the base saw the photograph - when Daniel's head appeared around the doorway.

"We're just about ready to go, Sam."

Her head snapped up and she tried to focus on her friend. She cleared her throat and forced a smile. "Thanks Daniel. I'll be right there."

She waited until he disappeared before she dared look at the picture once last time, before slipping it into the pocket of her BDUs.

***

Sam wasn't sure how long she'd been in the tub, only for the now-cold water to jolt her back into reality. Dragging herself into a sitting position, she pulled the plug and reached for a towel.

As she got dried and dressed she was no wiser to understanding anything that had occurred ever since her counterpart and Kawalsky had come through the mirror, and she really didn't understand her double's comment.

Just because we're from different realities, doesn't make it any less real.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean anyway," Sam muttered to her empty bedroom. She wasn't blind. She knew the Colonel was an attractive man - she'd known that from the first day they'd met, and she actually enjoyed his dark and twisted sense of humor, not to mention his loyalty and abilities as a leader, but she also wasn't stupid. Anything that could be remotely classed as 'romantic' between the two of them would land them both with a court martial.

Sam frowned at the thought. When had she suddenly started thinking of the Colonel and romance in the same sentence?

Shaking her head as if to clear it, she thought back to just a couple of months previously when they had been taken prisoner by Hathor. If she closed her eyes and thought hard enough, she could almost feel the Colonel's arms around her from when he'd pulled her close after discovering she was still alive and she could almost smell his unique scent from when he'd pulled her flush against him and placed his hand gently on her face as they hid from the Jaffa guards.

Sam swallowed hard at the memories and felt herself flush. She thought the Colonel had started acting differently ever since they had returned from that mission. It wasn't a major difference, just the small things. Like turning up at her lab a couple more times a week, or when he would hold her eye for just that second longer.

She hadn't really thought much of it at the time, but now, as she sat on the edge of the bed and the photo lay discarded beside her, did Sam realize there had been a shift in her relationship with her Commanding Officer.

His kiss with Doctor Carter proved that, didn't it? And even if it was to offer the woman comfort, why didn't he just give her a hug?

Sam rolled her eyes at the ridiculousness of her own argument. If only it wasn't so confusing, she would laugh, but then she wondered what she would have done in the Colonel's shoes... and she really didn't know.

She couldn't quite see herself locking lips with him though - regardless of how tempting it might be.

Before she could dwell on the thought however, there was a sharp knock on the front door and Sam felt her stomach plummet.

There was only one person it could be.

***

CHAPTER FIVE

***

Sam descended the stairs, hesitating as she reached the last one. When the sharp knocking resumed on the door, she closed her eyes, and when the hollered 'Carter, open up!' echoed down the hall, she sighed. Her visitor wasn't going anywhere anytime soon.

When she eventually opened the front door, the Colonel looked almost surprised to see her standing there. Letting his hand fall to his side, he rocked back on his heels and tried to think of something to say. Realizing he had nothing, he shoved his hands into his pockets, while Sam stood now half-hidden behind the door, one of her arms wrapped tightly around her waist, almost in a defensive gesture. She looked small and vulnerable, a far cry from the Carter Jack was used to seeing every day at the base, and he was pretty sure this change was down to him. He drew in a breath and let it go, puffing out his cheeks.

"Carter, I was just..." He winced at his attempt to strike up a conversation and sighed. "Can I come in?"

He tried to hide his relief as Sam stood aside to let him past. Mumbling his thanks, he waited for permission to go further into her house. Usually, he wouldn't have felt the need to wait, but it seemed different this time.

"Can I get you anything, Sir?"

He briefly entertained the idea of saying 'You', but realized that while it would be nice, it probably wouldn't be the best idea he ever had.

"Uh... no, thanks."

Sam nodded before absently gesturing to her front room. Jack took the armchair while she sat on the small couch and tucked her feet underneath her. She watched the Colonel lean forward as he studied his hands. She could see the muscles in his jaw flexing and tightening as he thought over his next move. Without warning, his eyes flew to hers and Sam gasped. She quickly looked away and felt her skin flush at having been caught staring. After what felt like hours, she could feel his eyes on her, but he hadn't said anything.

She couldn't take the silence any longer.

"With all due respect Sir, what are you doing here?"

"I, ah, was in the neighborhood?" When his attempt at humor fell flat, he sighed, then turned serious.

"Hammond said you'd gone home. I wanted to make sure you were okay."

"I told General Hammond I was fine, Sir," she immediately replied.

"Yeah, that's what he said too."

His quiet, but slightly dubious, response hit a nerve with Sam. Why, she wasn't quite sure, but the words left her lips before she could stop them.

"Is there a problem, Sir?" she asked defensively.

Jack's eyes flew to Sam's in surprise before being quickly replaced by confusion. "Huh?"

"I said I was fine... But it seems like you don't believe me," she stated rather than asked.

Her inner voice was screaming at her to shut up, or at least lose the indignant attitude she'd suddenly adopted. She was half expecting the Colonel to rip her a new one because of it; instead, she was surprised when something akin to guilt flashed through his eyes.

"Maybe, maybe not... but here's the thing, Carter," he added with a grin completely void of amusement, "I know you. You never take downtime when you're ordered to, let alone go and willingly ask for it. That's a red flag to me."

Sam pursed her lips. There was a significant pause before she continued. "Did you oversee the..."

Jack glanced up to see her gesturing vaguely. "Yeah. The mirror's gone. Destroyed. Whatever."

She wasn't really surprised. She knew the General had ordered its destruction upon the team's return. They fell into silence again as Sam waited for the Colonel to take his turn again at starting the conversation - he was the one who had turned up on her doorstep after all.

"We don't need to worry about... anyone else coming through in the future. National Security, and all that," he continued softly.

Sam felt herself nod in agreement. The military side of her brain was telling her it was the sensible thing to do, but the scientist in her was devastated. She really wanted an opportunity to study the technology further.

"That makes sense," she slowly replied.

"Yeah."

The uncomfortable silence returned.

"It was weird."

Sam frowned. "What was, Sir?"

"You. Her. Er, the both of you." He finally lifted his head and met Sam's gaze. His eyes were dark and unreadable. "You never did fully answer my question, you know."

"What question," she replied quietly, tilting her head to the side.

"Outside Doctor Carter's guest quarters. I asked how you were doing with... everything," he shrugged, gesturing vaguely between them both.

"Oh." Sam cleared her throat. "I... I didn't know you really wanted to talk about it."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Sam looked at him strangely. "I thought you didn't do the whole 'talking' thing?"

"I don't," he replied, giving her a resigned grin.

"Oh."

"Yeah." The Colonel paused, turning slightly to face Sam. "I think we need to talk about it."

Sam took a deep breath. She knew he was right, but it didn't mean either of them actually wanted to do it.

"Sir -"

"Can we not do this?" He cut in, causing Sam's brow to furrow in confusion.

"But you just -"

"I mean the whole 'Sir', thing," he clarified, gesturing vaguely between them. "I think this conversation calls for it, don't you?"

Sam didn't know how to answer. Thankfully, she was saved from saying anything.

"Carter... Sam."

She sucked in a breath at his low, hushed tone.

"Hammond knows that we've never, ah, y'know..." He grimaced at his opener.

"Oh. That's... that's good," she answered lamely, wanting to kick herself.

Thankfully, if the Colonel noticed her embarrassment, he didn't let it show.

"I'm sure he had some questions," she hedged.

Jack raised his eyebrows. "Oh yeah."

Sam suddenly felt ill and all she could think about was if General Hammond was to say anything about this incident to her father and the subsequent repercussions. The sound of Jack's voice brought her back to the moment. She was even more startled to see he was crouched down before her, concern etched in his features.

"You kinda zoned out on me there... You okay?"

Sam nodded slowly.

"You sure?" She was still too pale for his liking, but decided to let it go.

He leaned back on his heels, but remained crouched. His eyes roamed her face; maybe he should ask Hammond to take them off the mission rota - just so the woman before him could get some rest. He'd spoken before he realized.

"Maybe Hammond should put us on stand down."

He winced as Sam's head snapped up at breakneck speed. "What? Why?"

"He thought we might want some time to... think about things. Y'know, with the mirror and stuff," he mumbled, his discomfort increasing with each second that passed. Sam's blank expression wasn't helping matters either.

"But -"

She stopped at Jack's meaningful look and sucked in a breath. "Oh," she whispered.

"Does he need to?"

Remarkably resembling a fish, Sam opened and closed her mouth as she thought of something to say.

"I don't know," she eventually managed, but the Colonel sensed her hesitation.

"But?"

"But... technically, I haven't done anything to warrant being taken off active duty. With all due respect Sir, you're the one who got too... Well, you were more involved in the mission than I was, Sir."

She held her breath and watched as the Colonel started to shut off his emotions. He didn't move or speak for a long time, but Sam knew better than to push.

"She wanted to say goodbye."

The statement was followed by a shrug, as if that was enough of an explanation. He moved back and perched on the edge of the coffee table.

"They'd just celebrated their first anniversary."

Sam closed her eyes at the revelation. Quickly doing the math in her head, she realized their alternate selves must have married shortly after Daniel's first visit through the mirror in the first year of the Program.

Her brow furrowed slightly.

"I wish you had been the one to tell me."

Jack looked at her, but gave nothing away. When he spoke, his voice was quiet.

"Tell you what?"

Giving him a disapproving look, Sam resisted the urge to roll her eyes. "That we, ah, they were married."

"I was going to."

"But you didn't."

"No."

"When did you find out?" she asked, biting the inside of her cheek.

When she didn't receive a response, she frowned. Casting her mind back, she tried to think of when the Colonel might have been alone with her double and then desperately tried to ignore the twinge of jealously seeping in. She closed her eyes for a second before they snapped open.

"You knew that night... When you stopped me going to see her, didn't you?" she all but accused.

She saw the muscle in Jack's jaw twitch, giving her all the answer she needed and she shook her head in disbelief. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I couldn't."

"Why?"

"Because..."

Jack stood abruptly and Sam watched as he paced back and forth. His expression was thunderous, but his voice betrayed him. He sounded tired, defeated almost.

"I didn't know what the hell to do, Carter. You... she said we were married... that we were celebrating our anniversary when they received the call. The next thing I knew she was crying, and I tried to comfort her until she fell asleep."

He paused and Sam stayed quiet, knowing he had more to say.

"When I left her quarters, I hadn't even started to think about what it all meant, let alone share it with you."

Sam slowly stood from her spot on the couch. "I'd rather you still told me, than Kalwasky did in front of everyone."

Her words made Jack stop short and he sighed heavily. "Yeah, I know," he finally answered.

Running a hand over his face, he slumped back down into the chair.

"I'm sorry, Carter," he whispered and Sam thought she was back in the storage room just hours before.

"You, ah, said that earlier," she interjected, moving closer to the Colonel and sitting on the end of the coffee table.

Their knees were inches apart, and Jack had to stop himself from reaching out to touch her. Clenching his fists, he steadily looked Carter in the eye.

"I did."

Sam raised a brow, urging him to continue. It was minutes before he spoke.

"Do you ever wonder what your life would be like if things had turned out differently?"

His question threw Sam. "Uh..."

"I do," he continued. "After Charlie -" He stopped abruptly, looking wistful. "I just wonder."

Sam felt her heart break at the rare insight she'd been given into her CO's life.

"I sometimes wonder what it would be like if my mom was still here," she admitted quietly.

Dropping her gaze, she didn't see the sympathy in the Colonel's eye.

"I just... It's not like I can change anything, but... sometimes I miss her."

"I know." And he did. Jack O'Neill knew only too well what Sam was describing.

"But then I really think about it," she added, her voice stronger. "And I realize that everything that happened after the accident... It all led me towards the Air Force and the Stargate Program. I don't know if I would be here, if my mom was still alive."

Jack cocked his head to the side. As much as Charlie's death still haunted him, and he knew that he would never forgive himself for it, he knew that the accident was what had brought him to this point in his life too. It had introduced him to the Stargate Program, but instead of taking his life like he'd first planned, it had actually saved it. He'd met Daniel and Teal'c... not to mention the woman sitting before him, who had touched his life in a way he was only beginning to realize.

"I guess it was just... strange, knowing we are... were... married in one reality, yet in this one... well, it's the last thing we can do," he admitted.

Sam watched him closely at his last words, trying to decipher what he was - or wasn't - saying. Before she could respond, the Colonel continued.

"Do you think there's a reality out there where we haven't met?"

"Theoretically Sir, there's a -"

"Ah! Carter! It's been a stressful few days."

"Right... Yes, Sir. It's possible."

"Huh. I don't think I'd like that reality." The Major couldn't hide her surprise at his bluntness. "Yeah, not knowing you, seeing you everyday... It'd suck," he added.

Sam's mouth formed a small 'o', but didn't say anything. She couldn't; the Colonel was observing her - his previously guarded expression no longer there. Instead, Sam was mystified as to the emotions swirling in those dark eyes.

"So I can understand why you - the other you - was having a hard time with... me." He frowned a little as he ran that sentence over in his head. Deciding it did make sense, he took a deep breath and continued. "I know you're different but... When we were saying goodbye... I thought..."

He ran a hand across the back of his neck to try and ease his discomfort. "For a moment I thought it was you and… I just... I needed to be there for you."

Sam cleared her throat softly. She wanted to say something, anything, in response, but she was now staring at the top of the Colonel's head as he studied his feet. She figured he was probably embarrassed by his revelation, but she was more surprised when he mumbled something else. Straining to hear, Sam leaned in closer.

"When I stepped back through the mirror... I could feel your eyes burning into the back of my head," he grinned softly for a second. "Then I remembered there were two of you and I couldn't... I can't comfort you, the way I..."

He glanced up at Carter, his eyes pleading with her to understand his disjointed explanation.

"It's different," she offered quietly.

"Yeah," he replied, matching her tone. "You know I'll always be there for you if you ever..."

"I know," she smiled.

She did know. Even as she tried to stamp down on the strange feeling beginning to swirl in her stomach as the Colonel watched her closely, she knew without a doubt, that Jack would always be there for her. He might not be able to comfort her the same way as with Doctor Carter, but he would be there - and that was all that mattered.

They sat in silence for a few moments when Jack cleared his throat.

"So, ah, are we okay?"

Sam bit her bottom lip as she looked at him thoughtfully. Her CO didn't look as troubled as he did before their 'conversation'. If anything, he looked relieved.

"We'll be okay, Sir," she nodded.

Jack pursed his lips and nodded in return. He held her gaze and Sam felt her cheeks turning red, especially when a grin tugged at the corner of his mouth.

"I like your hair better."

The heavy mood that was in the room moments earlier vanished with the quip, and despite herself, Sam laughed softly, causing Jack to grin.

They met each other's eye once more and held one of their silent conversations. That seemed to be happening a lot more lately, but in that instant they both knew they'd be okay. It might take them a while to figure it all out, but they would.

Eventually, it was Jack who broke the silence.

"I should go."

Sam nodded and stood, slowly following him into the hallway. She was too busy looking at the floor, she didn't realize the Colonel had stopped and turned around just short of the front door, until she collided with his chest.

"Oomph!"

"Easy, Carter," he mumbled, as his hands flew out to steady her.

She smiled sheepishly. "Sorry, Sir."

Slowly meeting her COs eye, Sam's breath hitched at his unguarded stance. His expression no longer unreadable, he looked back at her with concern, wonder and something else Sam wasn't sure she was ready to identify. She tried not to squirm under his intense observation, forcing herself to keep her attention on him. She waited patiently as the Colonel seemed to burn every little detail of her face into his mind.

Briefly, she thought she should be more bothered by that than she was, but quickly dismissed it. Momentarily distracted by the thought, Sam missed Jack's gaze drift down to her lips for a second before returning to meet her eye. The next thing she knew, the Colonel had slid his right hand to the side of her neck and leaned in. His lips gently brushed against hers, staying pressed together for a second longer before he pulled back and leaned his forehead against Sam's.

Briefly closing his eyes, Jack tried to stamp down on whatever the hell was happening to his body and mind. He had been struck by Sam's beauty the first time he'd laid eyes on her in the Briefing Room, but if he was honest, ever since they had returned from their little spell with Hathor, Jack knew something had changed on his part. And since his interest in his 2IC could be viewed as entirely inappropriate for more than one reason, he decided it best not to dwell.

Focusing back on the woman in front of him, he lifted his head from Sam's, and allowed his eyes to roam her face once more. As his thumb ran across her cheek, she instinctively leaned into his touch and Jack felt his heart slam into his chest.

A part of him had enjoyed his bittersweet kiss with Doctor Carter, but that was all it had been. Sure, he'd been attracted to her - it was Carter after all - but it was nothing compared to what he was now experiencing. Every single cell in his body was tingling and he was sure his stomach wasn't supposed to be somersaulting like it was. He couldn't even think of something to say.

It was then, when the alternate Carter's words flew into his mind.

You're really not him, are you?

"She was right," Jack mumbled, as he let his hand fall to his side and took a step back. Ignoring Sam's confused expression, he continued. "Because she really isn't you either."

Before Sam had a chance to ask what he meant by those last words, he was gone and she was left staring after him.

Her shaking legs took her to the front door and she leaned her hand against the smooth wood surface.

She had not been expecting the Colonel to kiss her, never mind experience the feelings she now was as a result. Her breathing was labored and her body felt like it was on fire. Closing her eyes, she brought her fingers up to her lips. She was sure she could still feel Jack's against them.

She swallowed hard. All of a sudden, she realized she was wrong.

She really didn't know if she and the Colonel would be okay.