WackyJacqsFanFiction

Tangled Threads (Ch 26)

 

CHAPTER 26

 

Sam's eyes widened like saucers and her mouth fell open as her brain slowly registered Jack's question. Snapping her jaw shut, she swallowed hard. She felt the world begin to sway and tightened her grip on Jack's hands as she forced herself to breathe.

 

Marry me.

 

Of all the questions he could have asked, this one hadn't even crossed her mind, so to say she was shocked was an understatement. She focused her gaze on Jack's chest as she tried to regulate her breathing. She was convinced her heart was about to jump out of her chest and she couldn't hear Jack talking over the roar in her ears. She only registered his voice when he lowered his head slightly, bringing him face-to-face with her.

 

"Carter?" he asked warily, before scolding himself at the address.

 

She blinked hard at the man before her.

 

Gone was the gruff, authoritative Air Force officer. In its place, was an unsure man who looked like he had just made the biggest mistake of his life. As she studied his face, she could see fear in his eyes, and with each second that passed, she noticed his fidgeting increased. It then slowly dawned on Sam that she was the reason for his nerves, as she hadn't said a word - let alone moved - in the minutes since he'd asked her that question.

 

Shaking her head, she spoke quietly.

 

"Wh... what did you say?"

 

"Marry me."

 

Sam nodded absently. "That's what I thought."

 

She pulled one of her hands free from Jack and ran her fingers across her forehead as if trying to prevent a headache from starting.

 

"Jack..."

 

She closed her eyes and let her hand fall to her side.

 

"As much as I..."

 

She sighed heavily and tried again.

 

"I don't.."

 

She let out a low growl of frustration.

 

"I know it's fast," Jack offered.

 

"Ya think?"

 

Jack had begun to explain the reasoning behind his proposal, but he was so taken aback at Sam's abrupt response that the thought flew straight out of his head, whereas Sam wanted to kick herself the second the words had left her mouth - she hadn't meant to voice the thought.

 

"I'm sorry. I just... yeah, it's fast," she finished lamely.

 

Jack realized he still had one of Sam's hands in a vice-like grip and he suddenly let it go, as if it burnt to the touch. She watched him shove his hands into his pockets and rock back on his heels. When she spoke, her voice was barely a whisper.

 

"Why did you ask me that?"

 

"Huh?"

 

"Why did you -"

 

"Yeah, I heard you the first time," Jack cut her off with a mumble as he pulled one hand from his jeans pocket and dragged it through his hair.

 

"I thought it was obvious," he shrugged. "Car... Sam. I didn't want to ask you..."

 

Her eyes widened at his words, and he panicked when he saw her reaction.

 

"No! No, no. That's... that's not what I meant. I... crap," he grumbled.

 

Crap.

 

"I wanted to ask you, but... I just thought it'd come... naturally. After the whole, y'know... dating thing," he explained, drawing air quotes at his last words.

 

Sam's surprise was quickly covered by a frown.

 

"I don't understand."

 

"Well," Jack started, trying desperately to inject some humor - or something - into the conversation as he was well aware that this was not going at all how he planned.

 

"It's usually how a relationship starts. You see -"

 

"Don't be so sarcastic, Jack. I know how a relationship works. I'm just out of one," Sam retorted, as she turned away from him to face the calm waters of the lake. She felt him grimace at the frustration in her voice, and she sighed. After a moment she spoke.

 

"I'm not going to bite, I promise."

 

She wrapped her arms around herself tightly as she waited for Jack to join her at the edge of the dock. They stood like that for a few minutes in silence before a short laugh escaped Sam, causing Jack to look at her expectantly.

 

"I've never been one of those girls who has their fairytale wedding planned since they were 11," she said, making Jack grin.

 

"I never believed in finding that Prince Charming, either," she added as her eyes darted wildly about the scenery before her. "But..." She took a deep breath before letting it go.

 

"There were times... whenever we were in trouble... do you remember PXY-367? The planet where Nirrti altered my DNA?"

 

Jack shuddered at the memory. "How could I forget?"

 

To the day he died, that mission would haunt Jack. After Daniel's death, it had taken him a long time to let anyone close to him again. He had just started to let Carter back in his life when he'd almost lost her. He would never forget how ill she looked, or how close he really came to losing her, and every mission since then, he wished to never experience it again.

 

"When you held me - in the cell..." she stopped abruptly and Jack didn't fail to miss the crack in her voice.

 

She turned to face him, her eyes glistening with unshed tears and Jack turned his body so he could face her.

 

"I thought I'd found my Prince Charming," she chuckled nervously.

 

Sam studied him closely before she reached up and gently placed her hands on either side of his face. A sob caught in her throat as she spoke.

 

"I love you, Jack... but we can't get married."

 

Jack knew there was more to her answer than that. She was Carter. She always had a reason, and he knew she would share them with him. As he studied her closely, she saw her mentally going over her arguments as to why this was a bad idea and he sighed to himself.

 

He knew it was a lot for her to take in. Hell, he was still struggling to understand it all himself and he'd known for longer than she had. He had spent hours going over the implications of his question and everything that comes in tandem with such a commitment. He had driven himself crazy with his thoughts, so he was more than willing to break his rules and remain patient as Sam now used him as a sounding board for her concerns.

 

Yet, it didn't stop his gut from plummeting to his boots as he felt his world shatter at her confession.

 

Ideally, he had imagined Sam saying yes without hesitation - they'd kiss and start looking forward to finally having a future together. But realistically, he knew it wouldn't be that straightforward - or pleasant. He was well aware that she could say no, and he had been prepared for that answer. But he hadn't been prepared for the pain or devastation he felt at actually hearing her rejection.

 

He closed his eyes and let his head fall forward.

 

Yep, real life was a bitch.

 

"Jack, I -"

 

"You don't need to give me an explanation, Sam," he said quietly before he realized it. He started to move away when she reached out to grab his arm.

 

"Yes, I do. Look at me. Please?"

 

Jack hesitated. He knew he wouldn't be able to hide his pain from the woman standing in front of him. He wouldn't be able to fool her - he never could. But he also couldn't ignore the jolts of electricity she was sending through his body as her fingertips curled around his bare forearm.

 

"I'm not going to explain this to the top of your head, Jack," she stated.

 

He forced himself to meet her gaze.

 

"It's just..." Sam winced as her voice faltered.

 

She closed her eyes and reverted back to what she knew best. Science. Calculations. Methodology.

 

"It's a couple of things..."

 

At his questioning look, she continued.

 

"I was supposed to be getting married this Friday - to someone else."

 

Now it was Jack's turn to wince.

 

"Yes, I called it off. I realized I had made a mistake and he wasn't the right guy. I know that now, but... to accept a proposal from another man, especially you, so soon? I... what if people..."

 

"Is that what this is about?" Jack asked in bemusement, as he reached for her hand. "What other people will think? Sure people might talk, but hell, Carter, they've been talking about us from day one. I'd never force you to do something you don't want - especially if it will affect how you're viewed in your job. I've already told you that," Jack muttered. After a beat he added, "I know it's fast, but -"

 

"It's not just that, Jack!" Sam exclaimed in exasperation, gaining a frown in response from him.

 

"Then, what -"

 

"Would you talk to me?"

 

Jack shrugged in confusion. "I thought I was?"

 

"No, I mean really talk to me, Jack. About your past, if something was bothering you... about Charlie."

 

Sam saw his emotional shutters slam down at her request. She wasn't surprised. She knew they would.

 

"You can't shut me out, Jack," she reminded him softly.

 

"I know." He sighed deeply and pinched the bridge of his nose. "There's some stuff from my past I'll never be able to tell you, Sam, but... yeah, I'd try to talk to you about... stuff," he finished, waving a hand vaguely in the air.

 

She nodded softly as he trailed off, knowing she had just asked a lot from him.

 

"What about kids?" she asked suddenly, and she could see Jack's eyes darken even more. When he spoke, his voice was deceptively cool.

 

"What about 'em?"

 

"Do you want kids?"

 

Jack sucked in a breath before letting it go and puffing out his cheeks. He'd thought long about the issue of children and he knew what his answer was; he just didn't know about Sam. When she first told him about Pete's proposal, she had mentioned the idea of a family to him, but he didn't know if it was something she really wanted.

 

"I've thought about it," he said honestly, staring into her eyes, before he nodded.

 

He ran a hand over his face. "When Charlie... died," he swallowed hard at the admission. "Sara and I talked about having more kids, but I just... couldn't. I couldn't do it to her. To myself."

 

He fell silent and stared into the tree line in the distance. "What happened with Charlie was an accident, a horrible accident, which I'll never forgive myself for. I should have made sure my gun was secure and stored away properly... but Charlie knew, he knew he wasn't allowed to touch my personal gun," he growled quietly, turning to face Sam and vaguely registering her glistening blue orbs.

 

She reached out, placing a hand on his arm and he drew strength from her touch.

 

"I didn't want more children. I could barely live with myself after Charlie, and if something had happened to another of my kids... but I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought about having kids with you."

 

Sam's eyes snapped shut as a lone tear escaped.

 

"I've been through so much, Jack. With Jolinar, and the entity..."

 

"Hey, it's not like I'm exactly in the prime of my life anymore either," Jack quipped.

 

"If I couldn't have kids... would you resent me?"

 

Jack couldn't help the chuckle that escaped at her question. At her frown he sobered, but his voice was tinged with amusement.

 

"That has to be the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard you say."

 

"I'm being serious, Jack!"

 

"So am I."

 

At her unamused glare, he held up his hands in a placating gesture before letting them fall to his sides.

 

"No, I wouldn't."

 

Sam blanched at his truthful answer, but after a moment, fervently shook her head as if to disagree with him.

 

"It doesn't matter anyway," she mumbled. "We still can't -"

 

"Why not?"

 

"The rules and regulations, Jack! God, they've kept us apart for years. And they're still in the way, you said so yourself. If we can't even show any real emotion towards each other... how can you expect us to get married... and get away with it without being dragged off for a court martial?"

 

She let out a deep sigh as Jack stood dumbfounded at her outburst. It was only when he felt her tremble underneath his grip that his mind caught up with the conversation.

 

"The rules..." Jack said slowly, as if testing them for the first time.

 

The rules and regulations.

 

Shit!

 

Jack's eyes widened at the realization. How could he be so stupid?

 

He suddenly remembered what he had meant to tell Sam once he had blurted out his question.

 

He looked around frantically until his eyes landed on what he was looking for. Virtually diving on the object, he came back to stand in front of Sam. He was grumbling something incoherent under his breath but as Sam watched him in confusion she was sure she heard enough expletives to make even the marines blush.

 

"This," he started, and Sam jumped slightly at the change in his demeanor. He appeared rejuvenated, and whilst he still seemed slightly bothered, it was more directed at the object in his hand than at her. A hand waving frantically in front of her face pulled her from her thoughts.

 

"Earth to Carter?" Jack sing-songed.

 

"Hmm? Oh, I'm sorry... what did you say?"

 

With a half-roll of the eyes, Jack cleared his throat.

 

"You promised you would hear me out, once I asked you to... once I asked you my question," he stumbled.

 

Nodding an affirmative, Jack nodded once in return.

 

"Right. The rules and regulations are still there," he admitted ruefully. "We can't ignore them. But -" he said, holding an index finger in the air in triumph. "There is a way around them - if you want it, that is," he finished seriously.

 

Jack pursed his lips and waited. When Sam tilted her head to the side, he held up the long-forgotten folder he had all but jumped a minute previously.

 

"It's all in here," he said softly, holding the folder out to her.

 

Her eyes darted to the mysterious folder before flying back to Jack's face. Her fingers brushed lightly against his as she took it from him, and at his small encouraging nod, she flicked it open.

 

Jack took a step back and observed her closely as she made her way oh-so-slowly through the file. He could guess what sections she was reading by her facial expressions and he resisted the urge to grin when she had finished.

 

"Holy Hannah!" she whispered, as she gently closed the folder.

 

She continued to stare at it, with something akin to bewilderment. After a few minutes, she spoke quietly.

 

"When you were in DC, I received a call from General Griffiths at Area 51. He wanted me to head up R&D there."

 

Jack nodded his head slowly.

 

"James is a good man," he said in confirmation.

 

"I told him I'd think about it," Sam shrugged.

 

"And did you?"

 

"Yeah." She sighed. "I thought about accepting his offer, but now I have this," she added, holding the folder up in the air to emphasize her point.

 

They fell into silence for another few minutes.

 

"Teal'c's leaving the SGC," she said suddenly.

 

"I know," Jack replied equally as quietly, and Sam couldn't miss the sadness in his voice. "He's going to help the Jaffa rebuild. Start a new, free way of life."

 

"Daniel?"

 

Jack tilted his head. He would prefer the younger man to tell Sam himself, but he knew she needed to know.

 

"He's headed out with the next expedition to Atlantis."

 

She nodded slowly, before tearing her gaze away from the folder and instantly connecting with a pair of brown, almost black, eyes.

 

"And you're leaving for Washington."

 

He sighed. "Yeah."

 

Sam began to form a response, only to stop herself. She shifted her gaze back to the lake, seeking comfort from its stillness. Feeling its calming effects almost instantaneously, she tried to process her thoughts.

 

"I don't think I could stay at the SGC, knowing you guys are all leaving and doing something different. I'd feel trapped; like I'm stuck in the past and afraid to let go of the things that have kept me there."

 

She folded her arms across her chest in a protective manner.

 

"From our first mission, we've travelled the galaxy and witnessed things people could only dream of. We've suffered loss..."

 

She shook her head at the sudden surge of emotion coursing through her.

 

"We've done everything together. Now, we're all going our separate ways. That's the way it has to be, I understand that," she added quickly, sensing Jack was about to interrupt.

 

She risked a glance back at him.

 

"But... if this is the end of SG-1, and we're moving on to new things? We all need to move on. Together."

 

"No man gets left behind," Jack finished with a soft smile.

 

"Ya sure you betcha," Sam grinned.

 

"I thought you'd say that."

 

"Is that why you did this?" she asked, lifting the folder and holding it to the side of her face.

 

"Ah..." Jack ran a hand across the back of his neck, whilst shoving the other one deep into his pocket.

 

"Not exactly."

 

Reading Sam's unspoken question, he continued.

 

"Technically, I didn't do anything. When the President finally convinced... okay, ordered me to return to our meeting..." He grimaced at the memory. "Hammond gave me this," he added.

 

Sam's mouth formed a small 'O' at the revelation and he shrugged a shoulder.

 

"It's the best they can do, Sam."

 

Sam looked at the folder as if it was a new piece of alien technology and flicked it open. Now that she was feeling a little less overwhelmed, she let her eyes roam its contents and took her time to digest the information. In her periphery vision, she could see Jack fidgeting from one foot to the other, but she focused on the pieces of paper in her hand as best she could.

 

She was looking at forms. Lots of forms. Official forms with not only the official stamp of the SGC on them, but also that of the Air Force, and the President and Joint Chiefs.

 

The left hand side of the folder was Sam's personnel report from her time at the SGC. It outlined her role whilst assigned to Cheyenne Mountain as well as her promotions and the achievements she had been a part of during her time on SG-1.

 

Behind the report, was a reference from General Hammond during his time as base commander, and situated behind that, was what Sam could only describe as a glowing evaluation from her Commanding Officer, General Jack O'Neill.

 

As her eyes moved to the right hand side of the folder, they settled on a set of transfer forms.

 

The first, was much like Daniel and Teal'c's would have been, outlining their desire for reassignment following the demise of their alien enemies.

 

The second, was for her new post. Area 51, where she would be appointed Head of Research and Development at the facility.

 

Even more interesting to Sam, were the dates on the papers.

 

Her commission at the SGC terminated on April 6, ten days from now. However her role at the Groom Lake facility didn't officially begin until May 7. Four weeks later.

 

Flicking to the next page, was the explanation for the discrepancy in the dates, and Sam worked hard to hide the smirk threatening to break onto her face as she read it.

 

The President of the United States, acting upon the recommendation of the Secretary of the Air Force, has placed special trust and confidence in the patriotism, integrity, and abilities of Lieutenant Colonel Samantha Carter. In view of these special qualities, not excluding the time, effort, sacrifice and dedication the officer has given in service to the Air Force over the past eight years, hereby find authorization for an extended period of personal leave.

 

During this period of absence, Lt. Colonel Carter will have completed her previous posting at Stargate Command, Cheyenne Mountain, Colorado Springs, and will be awaiting her new orders to be finalized as Head of R&D, Area 51, Nevada. At this time, whilst the officer will remain in service to the Air Force, they will be without a Commanding Officer, and as such, do not need to report in to a superior.

 

Henry Hayes

 

President of the United States

 

The final page in the folder was similar to the previous one, only with a number of blank spaces scattered throughout. As Sam read between the gaps - something she'd been used to since joining the SGC - she understood what it didn't say.

 

The gaps at the top of the page were situated where basic information was usually found, like names, dates and addresses. Whilst at the bottom of the page was an official declaration from the President confirming that whatever Sam decided to do during her four-week hiatus, the decision was made during that period, and did not break any rules pertaining to the Air Force.

 

Giving the sheet one last study, she smiled.

 

It was essentially a marriage certificate, approved by the President.

 

She placed the pages back into the folder and was about to close it when something fell out and fluttered to the ground. Picking it up, Sam saw it was a yellow sticky note and couldn't help but smile as she read the unmistakable handwriting of General Hammond.

 

He's a good man, Sam.

 

Your father would be proud of you both.

 

I know I am.

 

Uncle George

 

x

 

A sob caught in her throat at the heartfelt message and she could see Jack straining to read it. Looking at him through tear-filled eyes, she shook her head at his unspoken question. She placed it carefully into the folder and looked to Jack.

 

"I know it's not perfect," he started.

 

"No, it's not," she agreed softly. "We'd be even further apart than if I stayed in the Springs. Not to mention the time difference, and we wouldn't get to see each other that often."

 

"Every other weekend?"

 

"Maybe, if our schedules allowed it. You'll be even busier and putting in longer hours than you are at the SGC."

 

"We'd make time."

 

Sam sighed. "I don't have the best history when it comes to relationships," she grimaced.

 

"Neither do I. A marriage takes a lot of work, Sam, but I think... no, I know we could make it work."

 

"What if it doesn't?"

 

When he raised his eyebrows, she continued slowly.

 

"I mean, say we did do this," she said, waving her hand between them. "What if it turned out we couldn't live with each other. What if... what if we had habits that bugged the life out of each other. What if we found out we had nothing in common and we've just been badly, badly mistaken over the past few years?"

 

"You believe that?" Jack asked abruptly.

 

Sam bit the inside of her cheek as she thought over her last sentence and realized how ridiculous it sounded. Of course they weren't mistaken. She closed her eyes and shook her head.

 

"No," she eventually mumbled.

 

Jack took a step closer to Sam, taking one hand gently in his.

 

"Sam, you prefer blue Jell-O to red. You like your coffee black with one sugar. You like to read crappy romance novels when you're on downtime. You're allergic to mushrooms and you've used the same shower gel for eight years. A mixture of lavender and vanilla, incase you don't believe me," he quipped.

 

"You love your nieces and nephew and would do anything for them. You're honest, loyal, caring and beautiful. You're the smartest, sexiest, most incredible woman I know. I've watched - and admired - your six for years. We practically lived together when I was on SG-1 and we were away on missions. Off-world, when I was on watch... on more than one occasion, I watched you sleep and wondered what it'd be like to hold you and wake up with you in my arms."

 

Her eyes widened, and Jack continued before he could chicken out.

 

"You let out this tiny whimper just before you begin to stir and wake up. You get this little crease between your eyebrows when you're concentrating really hard on something. When you eat blue Jell-O, you always close your eyes with the first mouthful, just so you can enjoy the taste. When you make a breakthrough with one of your doohickeys or when you get your hands on a new piece of alien technology, you get this twinkle in your eye. I..."

 

He was cut off from his speech by Sam placing a finger on his lips.

 

Reaching up, he removed her hand.

 

"Sam, forgetting everything I said. None of this," he nodded to the file in her other hand. "None of this is official yet. The decision is yours, and if this isn't what you want... just say, and I'll let you go."

 

"That easy?" She held her breath as she threw his words from his hallucination on the Prometheus back at him.

 

"I didn't say it would be easy."

 

Sam swallowed hard at the emotions she saw run through Jack's eyes at his final declaration. She could see the battle he was having, and how hard he was trying to shield his emotions from her. He wanted her to make the decision by herself and not be swayed or forced into a situation she didn't want.

 

But she saw just how much this was affecting him when he was unable to hide it from her. Her mind raced.

 

She thought of Jonas, Narim, Martouf, Pete.

 

Her Black Widow Curse.

 

She thought of Mark, Liz and their family.

 

She wanted to experience what they had for herself.

 

She thought of Janet.

 

She missed her so much.

 

She thought of her mom.

 

She missed her even more.

 

She thought of father's words to her on the Prometheus.

 

You're content, you're satisfied, you're in control and that's the problem... You're missing something vital from your life... You're alone... It's time to let go of the things that prevent you from finding happiness. You deserve to love someone and be loved in return.

 

She thought of her father's dying words to her.

 

I just wanna know you're gonna be happy... Don't let rules stand in your way... You can still have everything you want.

 

Tugging her hand free from Jack, she turned towards the lake once more and wiped away the few tears that fell. Taking a deep breath, her hand fell to just below the hollow of her throat and she felt her fingers tangle with something delicate. Glancing down she saw a necklace.

 

She had worn it from the second Jack had fastened it around her neck, but she had forgotten all about. It was the necklace he had given her as a gift from her father, the day before his memorial service. She picked the pendant up from where it rested against her chest and fiddled with it carefully in her fingers.

 

She remembered the General's words as he gave it to her that day at the park.

 

He wanted you to have it... I was to give it to you.

 

She remembered the velvet pouch that had protected the necklace and its inscription.

 

Leaa lo Kalaach.

 

She remembered who the necklace belonged to.

 

Her mother.

 

And she remembered why it was so precious to Sam and her father.

 

Her mom had worn it on her wedding day.

 

Placing a gentle kiss on the pendant, Sam let it fall from her fingers. She knew what she had to do.

 

She swiveled around to face Jack, who was waiting patiently for her to still give him an answer. Letting out a heavy breath, she closed her eyes and nodded before she reached out and handed him the folder.

 

"I'm sorry, Jack," she whispered.

 

Never breaking her gaze, he took the file. After a second, he let it fall from his fingers and it dropped silently to the dock.

 

"Ask me," she added, just as quietly.

 

His voice matched hers as he obeyed her request.

 

"Will you marry me, Sam?"

 

The smallest of smiles tugged at the corner of her mouth.

 

"Yes."

***

A/N: For Chapter 27 please click here. Thank you!