The Dance

Author's Note: The Dance – A new year can bring new beginnings but, for some, they aren’t always happy as a lot can change in the space of twelve months. Two-parter, based on the song ‘The Dance’, by Garth Brooks.

Pairing: Sam/Jack.

Rating: Teen.

First Published: January 2014.

Status: COMPLETE.

PART ONE
(Takes place around a week after the events of Season 6: 'Metamorphosis').

***

"Looking back on the memory of the dance we shared 'neath the stars above,

For a moment all the world was right… Holding you, I held everything…

How could I have known that you'd ever say goodbye?"

***

Sam jumped slightly as a bottle of beer appeared in her line of vision. Smiling her thanks, she took a sip before returning her gaze to the night sky.

Taking in the vast expanse of stars, she looked for a point of focus and slowly worked outwards, identifying the various constellations above. A soft smile graced her lips as she recognized another pattern. Despite travelling among the stars for a living, there was still nothing quite like being at home and being able to study Earth's own starry network.

A gentle breeze swirled, bringing with it a winter chill and Sam shivered. She only had herself to blame though; it was the middle of January, and here she was choosing to stay outdoors. More specifically, she was choosing to stay outdoors on Colonel O'Neill's rooftop.

Stepping away from the telescope, Sam moved to the railing and studied the stars with the naked eye. There was something relaxing about the simple action, and relaxing was what she needed to do.

She had only been released from the infirmary earlier that morning, but after being kept in for observation for the last week, she was desperate for a change in surroundings. It had taken that week for Janet to decide that there had been no lasting damage caused by Nirrti's DNA-resequencer, and upon leaving the doctor's clutches, Sam had chosen to hide in her lab and finish off a backlog of reports. It had taken the best part of the afternoon, but once they had been submitted to General Hammond, the Major found herself growing restless. Since she wasn't allowed to return to active duty for a further three days – on Janet's orders – Sam decided to needed to leave the base for a while. She signed out with the intention of heading home, but ten minutes into the journey, a left turn instead of right, took her along the streets to Colonel O'Neill's house.

That had been an hour ago and in that time, they had yet to say a word to each other. She had just turned up on his doorstep and without questioning; he had stepped aside and let her into his home.

The little voice in the back of Sam's head suddenly questioned her as to why she was at her CO's house, and realistically, Sam knew she should leave. It was dangerous being here, with him. Their last mission to P3X-367 was still too fresh, too real. They were both still trying to deal with how close she had come to not making it home.

Without warning, Jack's quiet question startled her from her thoughts.

"Y'alright?"

Sam tore her gaze away from the sky and turned her head to look at him; his eyes intensely studying her face.

Even as the words left her lips, they both knew she was lying.

"Yes, Sir."

The Colonel let out a low groan.

"Ah, Carter." He ran a hand over his face, but continued before Sam could ask what was wrong. "Can't you drop the 'Sir', for once?"

His words came out more harshly than he had intended, and it showed when he saw hurt flash in Sam's eyes. Wincing, it was Jack's turn to sigh.

"We're not at work anymore," he added softly. "Right now… I'd just like to forget about work," he mumbled as he took a large swig of beer.

The couple fell into an uncomfortable silence and Sam returned her attention to the sky. After a few moments, she spoke just as softly.

"I never thought I would see the stars again."

A slight quirk of Jack's brow was the only indicator he had heard her words.

"I, ah… I never thought I'd see anything again," she admitted, focusing on her own bottle of beer. "The Stargate. Cassie. Mark and the kids… You," she whispered.

"It was… close," Jack answered carefully, not knowing what to say, or what he was even allowed to say.

"I was scared," Sam continued after a while.

The response to her confession was so quiet, Sam wasn't sure if she had imagined it. "Me too."

Suddenly, another shiver racked her body, and immediately, the Colonel started to remove his own jacket.

"Geez, Carter," he berated gently as he set his beer down.

In one swift movement, Sam's drink had been plucked from her hands and Jack's coat was around her shoulders while his hands were moving up and down her arms, trying to generate some heat back into her body. After a few minutes, she was still shivering.

"Screw it," Jack muttered. "C'mere."

Pulling Sam closer, he wrapped his arms around her – one around the small of her back, while the other snaked across her shoulders and when Sam finally relaxed against him, he tried to ignore the jolt of something that travelled through his body. He also tried to ignore the shuddering breath Sam took a second before her arms came around his waist and she buried her face in his chest. Instinctively, Jack held her tighter. His senses were in overdrive; his skin felt like it was on fire from where Sam's fingertips were digging into his back, his nostrils were filled of the fragrance from the Major's vanilla and lavender shampoo and his body was humming at just how perfectly she fitted in his arms.

Jack closed his eyes and leaned in, burying his face against Sam's neck, his nose gently brushing away tendrils of her hair. It felt good to hold her – to reaffirm that they had managed to save her life in time; to know that she was still alive and had made it home.

The Colonel pulled back and Sam whimpered softly in response. She tilted her head in a silent question as Jack observed her. His eyes taking in her blonde hair being tousled by the breeze, her unguarded blue eyes looking back at him, her lips… her lips twitching as if she wanted to say something.

Jack met her eyes once again and inhaled sharply at the emotions flying through her expression. Hurt. Relief. Fear. Exhaustion. Love. Understanding.

"I'm alive, Jack," she whispered. "I'm still here."

That was all it took. Without a second thought, Jack brought a hand to her face, his fingers trailing along her jawline. His eyes fell to her lips and travelled back up again before he threw caution to the wind and kissed her.

Then Sam was kissing him back. It started out gently, but rapidly progressed to something much more heated as they both gave in to their long-repressed desires.

When the need for air became too great, they pulled apart, just a sliver of distance between them and Jack leaned his forehead against hers. "Carter… Sam."

Sam placed a finger gently against his lips to stop him. "Don't. Please," she whispered before kissing him once again.

Amidst the kissing and touching, they made their way into the house. By the time they'd reached the bedroom, they had divulged of many of their clothes and clinging onto the last shred of resolve he had, Jack firmly placed his hands on Sam's hips and closed his eyes. Pulling away, he tried to get his breathing under control. "If this isn't what you want… I need you to tell me now Sam."

She shook her head fervently. "No… I need this. I want this Jack."

Jack's eyes roamed her face, looking for any doubts. Seeing none, he nodded once and his lips crashed back onto hers with far more force than before as he led her towards the bed.

***

PART TWO

(Takes place shortly after the events of Season 7: 'Metamorphosis').

***

"How could I have known that you'd ever say goodbye?

And now I'm glad I didn't know the way it all would end, the way it all would go…

Our lives are better left to chance;

I could have missed the pain, but I'd have had to miss the dance."

***

The Colonel tilted his head back and studied the midnight blue sky speckled with stars. Smiling softly, he thrust his hands into the pockets of his jeans and rocked back on his heels.

Hydra.

Sagittarius.

Corona Australis.

He always enjoyed being able to recognize the various constellations that decorated Colorado Springs' sky. Usually, the only time Jack had to stargaze was when he chose to spend his downtime at home. It helped him to relax and to temporarily forget about the dangers the job brought each day - and relaxing was exactly what he needed to do at that moment.

It had been a difficult few weeks for SG1 as they waited for any news regarding Sam's whereabouts or condition. It had seemed a straightforward mission; she had simply requested permission to go on a trip with the Prometheus crew – only to end up missing. In the end, it had taken four days before Sam had been rescued and a further day before the Colonel was allowed to see her. He was later told that Sam had suffered a severe concussion and as a result, it had taken a lot longer than Jack had liked for her to regain consciousness.

Then there was the moment Sam actually had regained consciousness.

Blowing out a puff of air, Jack pulled a hand from his pocket and ran it over his face in frustration. He wanted to kick himself every time the moment replayed in his mind.

Carter had awoken in the infirmary and called out for him. Jack.

It was one of those incredibly rare occasions when his name had passed her lips, and all he could find to say in response was, "Excuse me?"

He kept telling himself it was the surprise of actually seeing Sam alive and communicative after so long that made him react in that way, but if he was honest, he knew it was far from the truth; because the last time his name had been uttered by Samantha Carter was a year earlier when she had been in his bed. So when she had called out for him in the infirmary, Jack had not been expecting it in the slightest, or the myriad of emotions it evoked.

And maybe that was the problem. Because even though they had finally crossed that line all those months ago, they never talked about it afterwards.

If he closed his eyes, Jack would swear he could still feel Sam's lips against his as they had shared one final lingering kiss the morning after the night before. He could still feel his heart growing heavy as he watched Sam silently leave his bed and get dressed. He could still remember the look in her eyes as they shared an elevator at the base just hours later and they fell back into their respective roles. No longer was it 'Sam' and 'Jack', but 'Carter' and 'Sir'. Those two words reminding them of everything they couldn't have, and they silently agreed in that moment to lock the indiscretion away in that room.

At the time, it was just one more issue for them not to deal with – because it was easier than dealing with it.

Now though, Jack knew they had been wrong. He knew Sam knew it too, because almost immediately after he had questioned the use of his first name, he watched as Sam brought down the emotional barriers she had carefully created over the years. He also continued to observe her days later as those barriers remained in place - especially when he was around.

Even when the team had thrown Sam a 'welcome back' shindig, Jack knew there was something wrong. Sure, she laughed and joked with the SGC personnel when it was appropriate, but she seemed… distracted. Her blue eyes no longer holding that sparkle Jack loved.

The sudden sound of footsteps snapped Jack back to reality and he realized Sam wasn't the only one becoming distracted these days. Listening carefully, he waited until his company came to a stop. He didn't need to turn around to know who it was.

"I was wondering if you would show up."

The heavy silence that followed made the hairs on the back of Jack's neck stand on end. He straightened, but refused to turn around. Moments later, Sam appeared by his side.

"You sound surprised that I'm here."

A half shrug was his answer before he downed the rest of his beer. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Sam's brow furrowing in confusion.

"Is something wrong, Sir?"

He canted his head to look at his Second-in-Command. Eventually, he spoke.

"You tell me."

Sam was taken aback by his response.

"What? I don't... I mean... There's nothing -"

"Carter," Jack interrupted with a wry smile, "You're a terrible liar."

She snapped her mouth shut and turned her attention to the night sky. After a moment, she spoke softly. "What makes you think there's something wrong?"

"I know you."

He didn't give anything away as Sam's eyes flew to his at the simple statement.

"You haven't been yourself since your return from the Prometheus," he added quietly.

"Sir -" Sam cut herself off and sighed heavily. It was minutes before she continued. "When I was stranded on the Prometheus… I… I had a lot of time to think."

The corner of Jack's mouth tugged upwards, but he stopped himself from making a smart comment when he noticed Sam biting on her bottom lip. Growing concerned, he lightly touched her arm and was surprised when she flinched.

"Sam?"

"Si… Jack," she took a deep breath. "I couldn't think of a way to get off that damn ship, but…"

"But," he pressed when she stayed silent.

"I was alone."

"Yeah," Jack answered slowly.

"It made me think about what I was missing." She closed her eyes when Jack looked at her intently. "I'm alone."

"You're not alone," Jack argued. "You've got Daniel, Teal'c… me."

"Do I?" she asked suddenly, the words leaving her lips before she could stop them.

Jack's eyes widened slightly, not sure what to say in response. Running a hand along the back of his neck, he rocked back on his heels.

"Yeah," he finally answered. "You do."

When Sam continued to stare, he shrugged. "We're friends, aren't we?"

A gasp left her at the sense of déjà vu. "Friends?"

Frowning slightly in confusion, Jack pinched the bridge of his nose. "Carter… I'm not that complex. Help me out here."

That was all it took for Sam's resolve to slip and without giving it a second thought, Jack opened his arms. "C'mere."

He waited patiently, as Sam slowly stepped into his embrace, her arms wrapping around him as well. It was only when she finally relaxed against him, did Jack let out a breath he didn't realize he'd been holding.

"I don't know what to do," she mumbled into his chest minutes later.

Jack rested his cheek against the top of Sam's head. "About what?" he asked quietly.

"I'm… tired," she hedged.

"Of?"

He felt Sam shrug. "Waiting."

Inhaling sharply, Jack felt Sam tense at his response. Finally, he sighed heavily. "I know."

"Do you think…" she trailed off and pulled away slightly. He stayed quiet as Sam's eyes traced his face, as if they were memorizing every scar and wrinkle caused by years of battle. "Do you ever think… it'll be worth the wait?"

"Always."

Sam glanced away; her eyes glistening with unshed tears. "What if we've waited too long?"

Jack could see the faraway look in Sam's eye and knew she hadn't finished, even though he wanted to say something, anything to stop her from going down that route. "I want… more," she continued."I don't want to come back to an empty house anymore, Jack… I'd like someone to come home to one day… Children…. Even a dog," she whispered.

Jack cleared his throat, as Sam's words hit him hard. When he spoke, he was surprised at how hoarse he sounded. "Sam, I…"

He observed the woman in his arms closely and was reminded of the times he had been able to hold her in their seven years together. Those moments had been few and far between; but it was something the both of them had cherished. It was something they had needed on those occasions; something to cling on to and to give them renewed hope as they continued to fight the Goa'uld.

It was all they were allowed to have, and even then it was too much.

They both knew it, which made it harder to step away.

But maybe that was what they needed to do.

Jack closed his eyes at the realization.

How long would they have to wait? Was it fair? Would it be worth it? Would they wait too long?

Swallowing hard, Jack knew what he had to do.

"I would do anything for you, especially if it will make you happy," he admitted.

"I know."

He nodded slowly, pursing his lips. Making a decision, he forced himself not to look away.

"You deserve that… to be happy," he clarified. "But you deserve it now… not in another seven years time, or however long this damn battle will take."

"What if I –"

He shook his head. "Your career is too important, Carter. Even I'm smart enough to know that."

"But –"

"You deserve more than a safe bet, Sam."

With each word, it killed him inside, and despite his feelings for the woman in his arms, he knew it wasn't fair to expect her to keep waiting for that one day when the enemy is no more. They'd already been at this war for seven years – and it hadn't gotten any easier. It had just intensified and for each one System Lord they'd defeated, two sprang up in their place. There didn't seem to be an end to the fight, especially not anytime soon.

What was more, they were also all getting older, and while Jack knew that he was coming to the end of his field career soon, Sam was still young enough to have that chance to meet someone and have a family – even if it was with someone that wasn't him.

Stamping down on the thought, Jack met Sam's bright blue eyes and he watched as she processed his words. It meant he also saw the moment she too had made a decision. This was it for them.

He took a step closer. Placing a hand on the side of Sam's face, he gently cupped her cheek as a stray tear fell from the corner of her eye. He wiped it away and smiled sadly.

"I will always be there for you, no matter what," he whispered, "Believe me."

With those final words, he pulled her in for one last embrace. Closing his eyes, he tried to remember everything about the moment and how Sam felt in his arms as they swayed slightly together under the stars. This was all he would have, because deep down, Jack knew they had both just said goodbye.