WackyJacqsFanFiction
Tangled Threads (Ch 6-8)
CHAPTER SIX
"Holy Hannah!" Mark exclaimed as his eyes threatened to bulge out of his head.
Leaning back in his chair, he attempted to try and somehow begin to understand - let alone accept - what he'd just been told. But he couldn't. Here was his sister, his baby sister for crying out loud! Someone who had devoted her whole life to the Air Force and protecting her country and she wasn't even fighting a war on Earth.
If he put his current feelings to one side for the time being, Mark admitted he always worried about Sam's career choice. He knew the risks that came with a career in the forces. Not only that, but she was trying to make it in a man's world. But she had done it, and done it well. Let's face it; they don't give the rank of Colonel out on a whim to just any officer, let alone a female, especially at Sam's age. At least, he didn't think they did.
Suddenly, Mark was filled with pride for his sister and for her success in the Air Force. He also admitted to himself that he did worry about her when he didn't hear from her after a little while. He always assumed she was away on various classified missions, or fighting some classified war somewhere; and it turned out she had - just not on Earth.
He grimaced at the irony. Here she was sacrificing her life on a daily basis from threats to their country; only the threats weren't coming from their own people, their own government, hell, even from other nations on Earth. Noooo. She's sitting here spouting some bull about aliens and space travel and 'end-of-the-universe' crap posing some bigger threat?
The more Mark thought about it, the more frustrated he became. Why, he wasn't totally sure, but he guessed it had something to do with him having even more questions than before.
Over the years, he'd heard the various conspiracy theories about 'unofficial' experiments taking place within the forces, but he didn't actually think they would do something so outlandish as to make their officers completely deluded into how they were to serve their country. Would they?
Resting his elbows on the table, Mark let his head fall into his hands. Maybe if he didn't look at his sister he'd calm down. On the other hand, maybe his dad and children were right. Maybe his sister really was a superwoman. It certainly appeared that way to the men sitting around her. Imagine. His sister. An intergalactic superhero. Defending the world from aliens. Aliens! What the hell?
Mark snorted at the ridiculousness of the situation. Pinching the bridge of his nose, he decided it wasn't helping to clear his thoughts in the slightest and slowly opened his eyes, only to meet Sam's bright blue eyes regarding him warily.
He couldn't help himself, disbelief flooding his voice. “Aliens, you say. This is a joke, right sis?”
She squared her shoulders as she spared a glance at the General, before shifting her attention to her hands intertwined in her lap. He watched her bite the inside of her cheek, carefully mulling over her next words. And it was then Mark knew. In some bizarre other-worldly turn of events, that she really was telling him the truth. Didn't mean he had to accept it though. Not yet, anyways.
"Shit." It was all his brain could muster as he finally let it all sink in.
Swinging around in his chair, he tried to gauge his wife's reaction. She had been far too quiet whilst they were being briefed. She didn't even speak when they waited for Daniel and Teal'c - his name made much more sense now - to join them about 45 minutes ago. Nope, she was just sitting there, eyes wide and mouth hanging open.
"Neat, huh?" General O'Neill said, a boyish grin plastered on his face.
Mark guffawed at the man's flippant question. "Uh..." Yeah, real eloquent Mark.
Fortunately for him, his wife snapped out of her reverie.
"Sam, I... General... All of you. I, I can't even begin to understand what you have seen, experienced, sacrificed these last eight years... and no one knows? How do keep it a secret? How can you work each day, knowing that no-one will probably ever know what's really going on? It's... I...," she glanced at her husband as she tried to regain control of her emotions, "I imagine it wasn't your decision to tell us about this, but thank you."
Mark glared at his wife. From being dumbfounded, to totally accepting of their jobs in the space of a few minutes? Was he the only one with a problem with the whole thing?
"You actually believe this stuff?" he barked at her.
Sam jumped slightly at his accusation, while Daniel looked even more uncomfortable than before and Jack's eyes widened slightly, before focusing immediately on Sam. Liz, like Teal'c however, didn't seem fazed by her husband's outburst.
"Well, it is slightly unbelievable..."
"But?"
"Oh come on, Mark! This is a matter of National Security. And we've just been told all about it - at your father's request I might add. It's mind blowing, and ever-so-slightly weird, granted," she smiled softly, "but incredible."
"So what if it had anything to do with my father? Who said it really was my father's request if he had some sort of alien inside of him?"
Sam grimaced at his crude description. "It's a symbiote, Mark," she explained softly, hoping to diffuse the rising tension.
"Whatever," he dismissed. "Look Liz, doesn't this freak you out in the slightest?"
"I'm not saying it doesn't 'freak me out', because it does; but are you honestly telling me that you actually thought we might be alone in the universe?" she pointedly threw back.
"Alone in the universe? Oh jeez. Liz," Mark warned, but before he could get any further, she had cut him off and was now giving him her full attention.
"No, listen to me. Not to compare it to Hollywood, but you've seen the chaos that ensues in those sci-fi movies when the world finds out aliens are about to invade the planet. But this, this is more than a movie and questionable special effects, Mark. This is real. Everyone in this mountain does something important. This is more than just a job. They make sure that every man, woman and child on Earth is safe from outside threats. You always say you'll do anything to keep your children safe. Is what Sam, Daniel, Teal'c or General O'Neill do any different to that? They make sure we can sleep safely at night; wake up in the morning and go about our daily routines without any extra worry or stress. Even though no-one knows what goes on under this mountain, these people have one of the most important and dangerous jobs in the world. We owe them our lives, not the other way around. They keep our children safe in ways we can't. Ways we shouldn't even know about, and you can't even appreciate it."
As silence descended across the room, the couple looked at the four team members also sitting at the table and watched as they exchanged glances. No words were spoken between them, they didn't need to be. They all knew exactly what the rest were thinking, and whilst they appreciated the honesty Liz offered, they were also incredibly uncomfortable with it. They didn't do their job for the praise and the thanks; they did it because they wanted to.
Mark felt his face burning as he struggled to find a suitable comeback to his wife's speech, but he knew better and just decided to sit in silence and stew in his arguments.
Liz knew he'd probably never accept what Sam had told them, and she wasn't sure she could quite grasp it all either, but she liked Sam and at that moment, her character screamed that this wasn't some sort of sick joke being pulled.
She observed how Sam, her boss and teammates interacted with each other. The close bond they had was evident, even to outsiders like themselves. Whatever they had gone through over the last few years had turned them into more than co-workers. They were confidants, best friends, and comrades-in-arms who trusted the others with their lives. They'd gone through more than anyone should probably have to, and the last thing they needed was some civilian giving them grief over their job, when in reality, they shouldn't even know about it in the first place, no matter whose son it was.
"He was our father Sam."
Liz closed her eyes. Here we go, she thought, Round 2.
"Yeah. Your point?"
Oh, this won't be good, Liz told herself. She'd only heard Sam use that tone once or twice before, and it was always when Mark mentioned her work, or criticized the Air Force for their latest mistake, and she was coming to the end of her tether.
"And you were happy knowing he was an alien." It was more of a statement than a question.
"“He wasn't an alien, Mark," Sam paused, before continuing. "He was still human, but shared his body with a symbiote. He still had control over his own thoughts, movements, emotions."
"How do you know that?"
Sam decided to avoid telling him about her blending with Jolinar, instead going for the most obvious argument.
"Did he look or sound like an alien to you over these last four years?"
"No."
"If I hadn't mentioned any of this to you, would you see him differently?"
"No."
"He was... will always be our father, Mark."
"But Sam, he was in my house. I built bridges with him, and started to forgive him for mom's death, and it wasn't even him. It was an alien!"
"And you didn't suspect a thing!" Sam threw back indignantly. "He would have been dead four years ago if it wasn't for our job, and for Selmak, the least you can do is show some respect and stop calling him an alien."
She could feel her emotions threatening to bubble over but she couldn't show them that she was cracking. Not here, not in front of Mark, or Daniel, or the General.
"He was in my house, Sam," Mark re-stated, his voice pleading with her. "He played with my kids, gave them hugs and kisses."
"It's not like they were going to morph into another life form, or pick up some strange virus from coming into contact with him! They were still his grandchildren; he loved them and would never put them in any danger. You're just being ridiculous now."
"That's easy for you to say, you don't have kids."
Sam inhaled sharply. Her brothers' words had stung. She knew they were true, but she wasn't expecting to hear them spoken out loud; not in front of her team and not in the harsh way he had. The air in the Briefing Room was suddenly heavy and claustrophobic.
Jack knew Sam was hurting and it was going to take little else to push her over the edge. Clearing his throat quietly, he decided to bring an end to the meeting and hopefully avoid an all-out family feud. If they still felt the need to clear the air afterwards, so be it, but they could do it in private, away from the grape vine of the base.
"Daniel, T, why don't you go and bring the kids' down? They've been in the Rec Room long enough as it is. You can all grab some lunch before Carter and Mark organize the rest of the funeral arrangements. Dismissed."
Jack's voice, stance, everything about him said it all. There was no arguing. The conversation ended here. As he rose to stand, Sam mirrored his actions, but her eyes never wavered from Mark's steely gaze. Daniel and Teal'c left immediately and silently to carry out their orders, while Mark remained seated at the table, still fuming.
Liz, unsure what to do, also rose from her seat, and after looking between her husband and sister-in-law, turned to the General. She noticed his gaze fall on Sam, and despite his gruff exterior moments earlier, his eyes were anything but. They were gentle and caring, and suddenly Liz found herself wondering if this was the man Sam had vaguely mentioned to her in the past.
The one guy she couldn't have, even if she wanted to, as she'd put it one evening when the two women were swapping stories over a bottle of wine.
Before she could run away with her thoughts any further though, the man's voice cut through the siblings' staring contest.
"Carter. My office, now."
Her gaze never flitted. "Yes, Sir."
And with that she followed him into his office, closing the door behind her.
***
CHAPTER SEVEN
***
"I'm sorry, Sir. Mark just..."
"Carter."
She stopped abruptly as he cut her off mid-sentence.
"You okay?" he asked softly.
"Sir?"
"Don't play dumb, Carter. It's not becoming on you. Besides, that's my job anyway."
Sam let out a deep sigh. She knew Mark wouldn't understand her job, and she didn't exactly blame him. She didn't always believe it herself and she was a part of it, so she couldn't fathom why her father was so insistent that Mark should be told about the Stargate Program after his death. She knew they had made great strides in their relationship over the last couple of years and tried to make up for lost time, but even she knew that it would take more than a miracle for her brother to understand what they did in Cheyenne Mountain.
Maybe her dad wanted him to know exactly what he had been doing and what had saved his life from cancer four years ago, or maybe it was to try and make it up to him after the death of their mom. Maybe it was a way of showing the good work the Air Force can do, rather than the painful memories Mark associated with their job.
Whatever his reasons behind it were, it was driving Sam crazy that she couldn't figure it out, and a voice in the back of her mind was telling her it was going to get a whole lot worse before it started to get better.
"I don't know what dad was thinking," she admitted softly, sinking into one of the chairs opposite Jack's desk.
"Whaddya mean?"
"Did he really expect Mark to just sit back and accept our secret as the status quo?"
Sensing she hadn't finished, Jack decided to say nothing.
"I mean, his dislike of the military isn't exactly a secret, Sir. Even though him and dad got on really well by the end, the Air Force was still something they clashed over and it always ended in a blazing row. I don't know why he wanted him to know. Did he say anything to you?" she finished unexpectedly, her bright blue eyes searching his chocolate brown for answers.
Her conflicting emotions were playing across her eyes, while Jack tried desperately to control his. However Sam noticed something flicker past them for a nanosecond before it disappeared again.
Jack didn't know what to say to his 2IC. As he took in her appearance, he noticed her eyes were still slightly puffy, but the redness gone, while the dark bags under her eyes contrasted sharply against her paler-than-usual skin.
He felt his heart constrict at her appearance. She looked vulnerable as she sat there, her soldier facade slipping behind the safety of his closed office door. He wanted nothing more than to pull her into his arms and comfort her like he had over the past two days, but he couldn't - not on base anyway - and especially not when her brother was in the next room, currently alternating between glaring through the window into his office and arguing with his wife.
Pulling his eyes away from Carter's face, Jack thought about what he should say. He always tried to be honest with Carter, she deserved nothing less, but he had lied to her before on those few occasions when the job called for it.
His deception had hurt her deeply, more than she would ever admit, and he hated himself - hated the job - for making him lie to her, but it needed to be done.
It then would take weeks for them to get back to some sort of civilised relationship as CO and 2IC, let alone anything else.
Yet he really didn't want to tell her the finer details of his final conversation with Jacob.
Not yet, anyway. She was still too emotional and raw.
So he bit the bullet and tried to be as evasive as possible, praying she wouldn't press him for more information.
"He may have said some things," he started as Sam turned questioning eyes on him.
Crap. So not what he wanted to say.
He tried again.
"He said he wanted Mark to know how important the Air Force was to him, to you, to everyone on this planet. He knew he wouldn't accept it easily, but he wanted him to try and understand... and he will. Just give him time, Carter. It is a lot to take in, you know."
"I know, Sir, but -"
"No 'but's' Carter. It's done now, we've told him all we were supposed to. The only thing left is for him to actually see the Stargate in action. Maybe then, he'll start to believe it."
Sam sighed. "Maybe you're right Sir."
"Yes, well, it's been known to happen from time to time," he grinned, trying to lighten the mood. It worked as Sam grinned back slightly.
A comfortable silence descended among before Jack caught sight of Jo flinging herself into her mother's arms through the window.
"Come on, they'll be waiting," Jack said, making a move to stand.
"Actually, Sir. I'd like to put in a request to leave the base for an hour," Sam said quietly, keeping her eyes firmly focused on the ground in front of her.
"Carter?" he questioned softly as he eased himself slowly back into his chair.
"There's... something I need to take care of."
Eyeing her warily, Jack could see she was nervous by the way she tugged on the cuff of her BDU jacket.
"Carter, look at me."
She slowly raised her eyes to look at him.
"What's up?"
"Nothing, Sir."
Raising his eyebrows in disbelief, she faltered.
"It's nothing, honestly. It's just something I need to..." she sighed. "Personal matters, Sir."
She met his gaze again, her eyes pleading with him to understand.
He understood.
"Alright Carter, take as long as you need, but -"
"An hour is fine, thank you Sir," she cut in, letting go of a breath she didn't realise she had been holding.
Deciding not to push her, Jack stood up and walked around his desk, reaching his office door in a couple of strides. As he opened the door, he put his hand gently on the small of her back and gestured for her to go first.
"After you."
***
"What the hell is wrong with you Mark?" Liz hissed as soon as they were left alone.
"Me? What about you? You can't honestly expect me to believe that you so readily accept this bull -"
"Mark, watch your language!"
"- this balony they're feeding us."
"Look," Liz warned. "Your father wanted you to know this for a reason. Why, I don't know, but it's not Sam's fault, nor is it her team mates or General O'Neill's if you can't accept it. Cut them some slack and don't be so rude. If anything, I'd say they didn't want to tell you, but had no choice in the matter. Things sounds like they are difficult enough with their jobs, they last thing they need is for you to start criticising what they've done. They've saved the world on a number of occasions Mark! Just think about it!"
Taking a deep breath, Liz calmed down and lowered her voice as she directly addressed her husband.
"Also, she may not be showing it, but Sam hasn't even started to mourn the loss of your father yet. When she does, she's going to need all the support she can get, and not just from Daniel, Teal'c or General O'Neill. You're her brother Mark, start acting like it."
Before he could answer his wife's sudden scathing attack, they were interrupted as two of the men in question reappeared with their three very animated children.
"Mommy!" Jo squealed as she ran into the Briefing Room, firmly grasping Daniel's hand, dragging him along with her. Releasing his hand, she flew into her mother's arms before proceeding to give her a detailed account of what they all got up to during the past two hours.
Quieting her down, Liz turned to look at Daniel and couldn't help but match the grin on the archeologists face.
"I'm sorry, she's just started the chatterbox stage," Liz tried to explain, only helping to widen Daniel's smile.
"She's fine. Quite the talker, I'll admit, but Jack says the same about Sam - and myself - once we get started, so it must run in the family," he joked.
"Just wait until thee three of them get together after having some sugar," Liz joked back, nodding to Ben and Beth who were with their dad. Rolling her eyes, Daniel laughed alongside her and looked over to the kids who were, right enough, regaling Mark with their antics in the Rec Room.
As the children continued to talk animatedly, Liz watched as Daniel's gaze drifted towards Jack's office, a worried look on his face. Assuming his worry was to do with Mark's reaction earlier, she moved closer to him, her voice low.
"She's not in trouble, is she?"
"Hmm?" Daniel asked, his eyebrows knitting together in confusion.
"Sam. She'll not get into trouble over what just happened, will she?"
"No! No, she's just been through a lot lately, you know. Jacob's death is the latest... tragedy, to affect her. Jack's just looking out for her. We all are."
"I noticed you all seem really close."
"Yeah," he answered distantly, his eyes snapping back to Jack's office when he heard the door click open.
Sam walked out of the General's office looking considerably calmer than she had going in, something Liz noted. Jo started to squirm in her mother's arms, and when she set her down, the little girl's feet had barely touched the floor before she darted over to Sam.
"Auntie Sam!" she bellowed across the room, her voice betraying her small size.
Gathering her in her arms, Sam's smile matched that of Jo's and as Liz glanced sideways at the couple who just entered the room, she couldn't help but notice the small, genuine smile gracing the General's face.
"Guess what I got to do when you were talking," Jo beamed, oblivious as to whether anyone else wanted to get a word in edgeways.
"...and then I drew you a picture of Grandpa Jacob. It's in the room, Daniel said I could get it later. And then Ben and Teal'c watched Star Wars, but I don't like Star Wars as it's boring, and then I told Daniel what I wanted for my birthday, and then -"
"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" the General cried mockingly, feeling a headache starting to form.
Everyone turned their attention to him at his outburst.
"You're definitely a Carter!" he laughed softly.
Seeing Jo's confused face looking back at him, he lent closer to Sam who was still holding the little girl.
"You're just like your aunt," he smiled at her, before whispering loudly, "She likes to talk a lot too, although most of what she says confuses me... but don't tell her that, will you?" he finished with a wink.
"No, Sir!" Jo whispered back, giggling.
Oh yeah, she was definitely a Carter!
"So," Jack continued, in an attempt to divert everyone's attention off himself, Jo and Sam.
"I don't know about the rest of the grown ups here, but I'm hungry and there's a large slice of chocolate cake with my name on it!" he stated happily, patting his stomach in silent agreement.
"Chocolate cake!" Jo cried, her eyes lighting up. "Mummy, can I get chocolate cake too," she asked looking up at Liz, her bright blue eyes shining innocently.
"Umm... I don't know sweetie, we'll see," she stumbled, not quite knowing how to answer as she looked to Sam for help.
Before she could answer however, the General had jumped in.
"Of course, there's lots of cake to go around, but you have to eat some proper lunch first. I don't want to get into trouble with your mum and dad, let alone your aunt, if I just let you eat cake all day!"
"'Kay," she smiled, seemingly satisfied his answer.
"Excellent! Alright then kids, follow me. Mark, Liz, that goes for you too," the General added before taking off in the direction of the Commissary.
***
CHAPTER EIGHT
***
Sam sat on the small wooden bench outside the house waiting for Pete to arrive.
When she spoke to him on the phone yesterday afternoon, he was insistent on driving to the Springs right that moment to be with her, but she had managed to convince him to stay in Denver until this morning.
He wasn't happy about it, but after she said she was spending the night on base and wouldn't be home, he reluctantly agreed.
The only problem was, she wasn't spending the night on base. She spent the night at home, with General O'Neill.
Closing her eyes, Sam tilted her head back and allowed the sun to beat down on her face. She had changed into her civvies before leaving the base and was glad at the decision. Being buried under a mountain almost every day of the year made it difficult to determine the weather conditions around her, but she had dressed appropriately today.
It was a beautiful Spring day and with just a few clouds in the sky, the sun felt warmer than usual for the Springs this time of year. The occasional light breeze cooled her down just when she was starting to get too warm and she listened to the quiet surroundings, only occasionally interrupted by a couple of birds chirping overhead.
Her eyes scanned the neat garden in front of her. It was a lot larger than her current garden, but it was beautiful. Flower beds - full of yellows, oranges and red bursts of colour - decorated either side of the brick path leading up to the front door. To her left, a large rose bush was in fulll bloom, the fragrance of the petals filling the air, while the cream hydrangeas adjacent to them were also in their glory.
As the breeze picked up, Sam watched as the cream flowers seemed to mingle with the pink and twist in various patterns. She felt her chest tighten. Pink and cream, the two colours she had eventually chosen for her wedding flowers.
Shaking her head to clear her mind, Sam noticed the tall trees behind her, their branches casting ever-changing shadows across the neatly trimmed lawn.
She turned her attention to the house. It was a beautiful house, and one she once dreamt of living in when she was a little girl.
Along with the clichéd tall, dark and handsome husband, 2.5 kids, a dog and a white picket fence, she thought with a wry grin.
The house itself was huge; again much larger than Sam's current abode. It was a proper family home.
Yet despite its apparent perfection, Sam couldn't help but think how garish it looked compared to its surroundings.
The house - whilst painted softly an olive green colour with cream for the extras - was out of place compared to the garden. Even the front porch, with its hanging baskets and flower pots placed carefully around it did nothing to soften the feeling of impending doom it was sending out to Sam at that moment.
Silently admonishing herself for thinking something so ridiculous that a wooden structure was out to get her, Sam had been convinced this was her chance to have everything else she wanted from life. She had the job, but she didn't have the family, the married life, the love so many people experience; but she now knew this was no longer the life she wanted or needed. It was not with the man it was supposed to be with.
Closing her eyes once again, she tried to switch off her mind until Pete arrived, but instead she found herself thinking back to the previous day.
***
Sam wasn't sure how long she had stayed in the General's arms after breaking down in the Isolation Room, but if she was honest, she didn't really care.
All she did care about was the immense feeling of loss and sadness she was going through as she realised her dad would never be coming back.
As hard as she tried, she couldn't hold back the tears and as the first one fell, the General moved at lightening speed to gently pull her into his arms and hold her. He comforted her and protected her as she wept bitterly into his chest.
She was sure she could feel his chest trembling slightly from underneath her as he too took a moment to share in her grief. As she tried to force her breathing to slow down, she felt his hot breath tickling her skin as he buried his head in her neck, as well as the one or two stolen, but feather-light kisses he placed in her hair. Amidst all her sniffling, she also heard the gentle murmurings of reassurance he whispered in her ear as she cried.
Oblivious as to how much time had passed, Sam felt a slight tug on her hands. Too tired to resist, she glanced to the General, moving on autopilot as she followed him slowly out of the room. She froze in the doorway, but made the difficult decision to not look back.
She felt a glimmer of strength shoot through her at the General's imperceptable nod at her decision but as they made their way along the never-ending corridors of the SGC, Sam was grateful when Jack wrapped his right arm protectively around her waist to support her as she simultaneously leaned heavily into his side.
He kept his other arm free to swipe his key card easily at the various elevators and blast doors located along their route.
Oblivious to an exhausted Sam, the General was also glaring at anyone who dared cast a glance at the two officers in each others' arms, let alone anyone brave enough to consider stopping them to offer their condolences to the grieving Colonel.
Jack knew the officers on the base were genuinely sorry for Sam's loss. Jacob was no stranger to any of them, but right now, he knew Sam was struggling enough without being constantly reminded of her recent loss.
A part of him also knew that once she regained control of her emotions, she would be embarrassed about showing 'weakness' in front of her co-workers.
The other - and definitely more selfish - part of Jack, wanted to be the only one to comfort her. He could argue that it was his duty as her CO to ensure she was okay, but if he were to be honest, he knew he wouldn't be going to the same extent for anyone else on the base. Not even Daniel or Teal'c, he thought guiltily.
Then again, he knew Carter would expect others to talk about her once she left and criticise her for falling apart. She would have been trained early in her military career to not show emotion as it was something the enemy could easily exploit in a situation; but this wasn't the enemy and those they worked with wouldn't be saying such things. Yet she would think otherwise, so he just wanted to get her away from the base and any prying eyes.
He continued to lead Sam around the base and before she realised where they were walking, they had reached the surface and Jack was steering her towards his truck.
Coming to a stop at the passenger door, he shifted his grip slightly as he opened the door and helped her into the seat. Closing the door gently after her, he walked around to the drivers' side and began the journey to Sam's house.
Jack knew the instant Sam had fallen asleep as he drove her home and it allowed him a couple of stolen glances at the woman beside him and he sighed softly to himself at the events they'd experienced the last few days. It had taken its toll on him, on Sam, on the rest of SG-1 and most of the base. They'd all come together for one last battle, and whilst it was worth the victory, they didn't come out of it intact. They had injuries, they had losses and they had been thrown for a loop by their allies.
Coming to a stop outside Sam's house, he studied her carefully as he decided whether to wake her or just let her sleep and hopefully not disturb her if he was to carry her to the house.
Pursing his lips, he rolled his eyes at his internal debate.
Like he was going to wake her.
He managed to get Sam out of his truck and effortlessly began to move towards her front door, only to have her stir in his arms slightly.
"Ssh, it's alright Carter. You're home. You're safe, I promise. Go back to sleep," he whispered softly as he reached her front door and fumbled in his pocket for his spare key.
Getting inside, he kicked the door closed with his right foot and proceeded to Sam's bedroom to place her on the bed. Spotting a blanket lying across the bottom of it, he pulled it up around her and she immediately shuffled further into the warmth it provided now that she was no longer being held in his arms.
Jack knew he should leave her to get some sleep, but he couldn't bring his feet to move towards the doorway. Instead, he found himself moving even closer to the bed as he leant down and tucked a stray piece of blonde hair behind her ear. Stirring slightly at the contact, she leant into his hand and her eyes fluttered open. They were laced with sadness and exhaustion and something Jack couldn't quite place, but he spoke before she had the chance to formulate her thoughts.
"You should rest Carter. Get some sleep, I'll still be here when you wake up," he reassured her, the same way he had back at the base and when he carried her into her house.
As she closed her eyes and gave into the exhaustion once more, Jack stepped back and argued with himself as to whether he should leave the room or stay. After looking back and forth between his two choices, he rocked on his heels and decided since he was already going to hell anyway, to stay. He plonked into the small chair in the corner of the room and quietly studied the woman now sleeping soundly in the bed. He checked his watch briefly. Seeing it read 0535 he sighed. Jacob had died just over five hours ago, but it had felt much longer.
He moved his gaze towards the middle of the room where the bed was. For someone who had just suffered a great loss, she looked strangely peaceful as she slept. Yes, she looked pale, slightly thinner than normal, and generally exhausted, but to Jack, she still looked beautiful. A twinge of guilt hit him like a staff blast at his thoughts.
She may have been beautiful, but sadly she was no longer his to be beautiful for. She was Pete's. He groaned internally as he then began to think of all the possible scenarioes which could unfold if Pete was to turn up right at that moment.
Jack allowed his eyes to trail along her long, thin frame and he watched as her chest slowly rose and fell with each breath she took. He found Kerry's words repeating themselves over and over in his mind and swore softly. He was never one to sit back and wait for things to happen. He always had to be in among the action, and 'shoot first, ask questions later', even if it proved to be a rash decision and land him in hot water on occasions.
However when it came to them - Jack and Sam - he had never acted on his impulses. Partially because the regulations said he couldn't, but partly because he was scared.
Yes, Brigadier General Jack O'Neill, USAF, was scared of a blonde-hair blue-eyed astrophysicist by the name of Samantha Carter.
It wasn't that he was scared of her as a person - although he wouldn't deny the fact that she could seriously kick his ass if she wanted to - no, he was scared of her feelings.
There was something between them, right from the very second they had met all those years ago, that was obvious. But over the years, it had developed into something more important and sacred, although Jack was unable to pinpoint the moment when it had changed from a lustful attraction.
Over the years, they had laughed, joked, flirted, shared their grief and skirted around the regulations but never overstepped them. They had once revealed their feelings for each other out loud, but it was a few years ago and Pete had come on the scene since then, so Jack didn't know how she felt, if anything, for him anymore.
As he sat in the silence of her house, he hoped their was still something between them. When he held her on the base, it was an intimate moment for them both, and it just felt right. She hadn't asked for Daniel or Teal'c or even Pete, she just let him be there and be the strength that she needed. He decided to cling onto that hope and for the first time in a long time he was seriously contempating Kerry's words and telling the Joint Chiefs what they could do with his resignation if they disagreed. The Replicators and Goa'uld had been defeated and Earth was now experiencing a peace it hadn't known for the best part of a decade.
The only thing that was stopping him from handing in his resignation right there and then, was the man who had stolen Carter from him. Jack promised he would always be there for her, and he would; but her engagement - and fast approaching wedding - was something he was struggling with.
When she showed him the engagement ring back in her office, he knew he handled the situation badly. He should have thrown caution to the wind, forgotten that they were both on base, being watched by security cameras and risked being overheard by passing airmen. He was never any good at the whole emotion crap, but even he had to admit to himself that he should have made more of an effort.
He had pushed her away, he could see that now, and his excuse of 'I wouldn't be here', gave her nothing. No closure, no 'don't do this, you're making a mistake', no 'wait just a little longer for me', nothing. He thought back to his petty answer and a plethora of questions swarmed his mind.
Why wouldn't I be here? Because I should have died after that first mission? Because I should have been left for dead many a time, only for Sam to come up with some insane idea which ended up saving his sorry ass? Because I should have retired years ago and told her how I felt?
Shaking his head as if to clear it, Jack realized he had pushed Sam away as a coping mechanism. Whether it was pride, or regret, he knew it was his own stupid fault and he only had himself to blame. He had waited too long, and lost her. Something he found a hell of a lot harder to deal with than he ever realized was possible.
And then when she finally did accept the cops' proposal, Jack felt his world had ended and all of a sudden it didn't matter anymore if the Goa'uld had decided to blow them all to smithereens right there and then.
But then there was that fateful afternoon a few days ago. He knew what Sam had come to say to him, only for Kerry to interrupt.
He felt like a complete jerk towards Kerry, but he felt his soul reignite at the direction of Sam's conversation and that was all his mind could focus on.
Which brought him back to his current situation.
As he sat in the small chair, overlooking the bed, Jack decided it was now or never. If she was to reject him, he honestly didn't believe he would get over it, but he argued it would be better than living in sort sort of limbo wondering 'what if' for the rest of his life, especially if he did nothing and she did marry Pete.
Jack frowned. He was sitting in his 2IC's bedroom, watching her sleep, while her fiancé was... where exactly? His eyebrows knitted further in confusion. He tried thinking back to when Sam might have called him to tell him the news, but he came up with nothing and the more he thought, he realised she hadn't even called her brother. She had remained at her father's side until he came to take her home.
Jack was suddenly wary of where he was once again, just incase Pete was to suddenly pay a visit, but if Jack was honest, he didn't really care. He was the one who comforted her in the Observation Room. He was the one who held her in the elevator on their way out of the base. He was the one who carried her sleeping form in his arms and he was the one who was here now, watching her sleep. Not Pete. Whether the cop suddenly decided to intrude on the two of them, that was fine, but Jack wasn't going anywhere. He promised Sam he would be there when she woke up and he didn't intend to go back on his word.
***
It was 1220 hours and Jack woke with a start, unsure of his surroundings. Wherever he had fallen asleep, he quickly surmised it was uncomfortable as his neck and back screamed with cramp. As his eyes adjusted to the light streaming in through the curtains, he noticed the still sleeping form of Samantha Carter in front of him and everything came flooding back.
Running his hands over his face and through his hair, Jack tried to shake the tiredness away. He desperately wanted to go back to sleep but knew it would be a lost cause. He stood quietly, stretching out the muscles in his body and with one final glance at Sam, he headed towards the kitchen to make himself a coffee and a few phonecalls.
With the last of his calls made, Jack hung up the phone. He drained the remainder of his coffee just as he heard the soft patter of feet making their way along the hall and a small smile spread across his face as he looked up to see Sam standing in the doorway. She still looked tired and slightly lost, but it was the blonde hair sticking out in every direction which made him smile. He'd missed seeing her very bad bed hair since he didn't go offworld anymore.
"You okay?"
She nodded in response, not quite trusting her voice. Standing up from the table, Jack motioned for her to sit while he got her a coffee.
"I didn't wake you, did I? I had a few calls to make back at the base," Jack said, trying to make small talk.
Again, Sam shook her head in response, before clearing her throat and mumbling, something that sounded to Jack like 'I couldn't sleep.'
Both sat in companionable silence for a few minutes before Sam spoke softly.
"Thank you, Sir."
"For what?"
She allowed herself a small smile. This was how most of their conversations turned out over the last couple of days.
"For still being here."
Now it was Jack's turn to nod as he gave her a small smile.
"When do you have to go back to the base?"
Jack looked up from his cup of coffee at her voice.
"A couple of hours yet. I pushed back my briefing with SG-4 until 1700 hours, and I have some paperwork which needs completing. I did arrange for some to be dropped off here," as he motioned to the files spread across the table, "but there's some which need to be dealt with back at the mountain," he finished.
He followed her gaze to the clock on the wall to her right, confusion marring her features.
"How long have I been sleeping?" she asked, seeing the clock now read 1515.
"Almost ten hours."
He chuckled lightly as her eyes bulged at his answer. She had already slept a lot longer than she had planned and was way behind with the funeral arrangements. She made to move and start on them, but Jack stopped her as he handed her a cup of coffee.
"I can stay here for a while longer. If you want, that is. It's only gone 1500 hours and it won't take me long to get to the base from here. I can have Danny and Teal'c keep you company while I'm away," he offered.
"No, it's okay. Thank you. In fact, I'll maybe head back to the base with you. I've... I've still all the arrangements to take care of," she trailed off, her emotions rising to the surface again.
"I think you're best staying at home the rest of today, Carter. We can help you with the arrangements, but it'll be easier in the privacy of your own home. Besides," he added, "If I let you on base, you'll insist on staying longer than necessary as you'll get distracted with one of your newest doohickeys. And you're not to do any work or experiments for the next few days. That's an order."
She smiled feebly at his attempt to lighten the mood, but it didn't change the fact that she didn't want to stay at home.
"I don't want to be on my own, Sir."
The pleading tone in her voice shocked Jack and if he hadn't been so attuned to her voice, he would have missed what she said it was so quiet. He had an idea what she was referring to, but after coming to a decision a few hours ago, he decided to tread water. If he sank, so be it.
"Won't Pete be here?"
Sam's head snapped up at the mention of his name.
"No, no. He, ah... I haven't told him."
At her revelation, her eyes widened and she jumped up from her seat.
"Mark! God, I haven't told Mark. Shit!"
"Carter, take it easy. You -"
"He'll need to organise time off work, and sort flights, and the kids -"
"Carter!"
She jumped at his reprimand and he suddenly felt guilty for raising his voice, no matter how gentle he meant to be. He walked up to her and took a hold of her shoulders to stop her pacing up and down her kitchen.
"Sam, take it easy. I know you need to call Mark, but you were in no fit state to call him when I brought you home. And don't worry about the other stuff, it's sorted."
He searched her eyes before continuing to make sure she was listening to him and when he spoke, his voice was softer than before.
"All your brother and his family need to do is book whatever time off they need and pack. When they're ready, there'll be a plane waiting for them at Edwards to take them directly to Peterson."
Sam looked at him as if he'd grown a second head. "What?"
"I made a few calls when you were sleeping," Jack shrugged, as if it was no big deal. "Just go, call your brother, let him know about your dad and then tell him what I told you."
His revelation had frozen her to the spot. He had done all this for her? Rolling his eyes in an exaggerated fashion, Jack adjusted his hands on her shoulders and spun her around. He slowly pushed her out of the kitchen and into her front room, smirking.
"Never thought I'd see the day you're rendered speechless, Carter. Wish I'd a camera on me," he quipped.
They stopped at the phone resting on the coffee table and Sam turned slowly to look at him. She tried desperately to ignore their close proximity, and the effect it was having on her already heightened emotions, and the unguarded look that flashed past his eyes didn't help her at all.
"Sir," she whispered.
"Go, call your brother. He really needs to know about Jacob. You can thank me later."
With that, he headed back into the kitchen to make a fresh batch of coffee. He made sure he remained far enough away for her to have a private conversation with Mark, but also close enough that he could be with her in a moment if her resolve crumbled.
Twenty minutes later and Sam had returned to the kitchen, fresh tear stains on her cheeks and Jack felt his heart tighten. She mumbled something about taking a shower and he let her go. Raiding through her fridge and cupboards, he set about making her something to eat.
It was almost 1600 hours when Sam was met with the smell of bacon and eggs wafting their way into her room. It smelt delicious and as if on cue, her stomach growled to remind her she hadn't eaten for hours, if not days. She rounded the kitchen and walked straight into Jack. Losing her balance at the unexpected contact, she stumbled backwards but didn't get too far as Jack already had his hands on her arms; his firm, yet gentle grasp keeping her steady and close to him.
"I was just about to call you.. dinner's up!" Sam couldn't help her smile at his boyish grin.
"Excellent. I'm starving!"
They sat in silence eating their meal when Jack spoke up.
"How's Mark?"
He grimaced internally as Sam stiffened ever-so-slightly at his question. She shrugged her shoulders and swallowed her food before answering him.
"He's in shock. Dad was supposed to visit them, the day he... he died." She cleared her throat. "He didn't say too much, but said he will call me back as soon as he gets the time off work."
Jack nodded, sensing she wasn't finished. She placed her cutlery down on the table and took a deep breath.
"Sir, can I ask you something?"
"Sure."
"Will Agent Johnson not be annoyed at you staying here all night?"
Not expecting her question, Jack choked on the mouthful of eggs he'd shoved in his mouth as she talked. Sam was round his side in a second, but Jack waved her off. After draining his coffee, he cleared his throat and his uncomfortable stance did not go unnoticed by his companion.
"I'm sorry Sir, I didn't mean to be so personal. It's none of my business and I shouldn't have asked," she finished, sitting back down as the silence resumed once again.
"No, she didn't mind," he answered after a while.
Sam's eyes met his across the table. Reading her confused expression, he sighed, rubbing the back of his neck.
"We, ah, we broke up."
"Oh. I'm sorry Sir," she added quietly after a few seconds.
"Yeah... She said I had issues," he offered, with the customary air quotes.
"Don't we all?" Sam replied distantly.
"I suppose. This one was a biggie though."
"Oh?"
Just as the tension was becoming unbearable, Sam's house phone rang. She glanced at the clock and stiffened.
"Carter? You alright?" The concern was evident in his voice. "Do you want me to get the phone?" At this, Sam snapped out of her
reverie.
"No. Just let it ring."
Jack's eyebrows rose so high it'd made Teal'c jealous.
"Won't it be your brother calling back?"
"No, it's too early. It's Pete." Turning to look Jack in the eyes, the pleading in her voice returned once again. "Just let it ring. I don't
want him to know I'm home."
"Carter, what's going on?" Jack whispered.
"I just want to be by myself."
"Do you want me to go?"
"No! I mean, no of course not. I just can't deal with Pete right now. I know he means well, but he'd be too supportive if he was here. He doesn't know me like you do," she admitted quietly.
The phone had stopped ringing, making her final words echo loudly through the kitchen.
"Oh, Carter."
He wasn't able to say anything more however as Sam's cell phone suddenly started vibrating on the kitchen counter. Looking into Jack's eyes for a fraction of a second longer, she stood and made her way around him. Sighing heavily, she stood for a moment and flicked the phone open.
"Carter."
"Sam! Mark just told me the news. I'm so sorry babe. Are you okay?"
She grimaced at his pet name for her. No matter how many times she said she hated it, he still used it.
"Not really."
"Right, of course you're not, sorry. Look, I'm going to finish work early and drive up to be with you, okay?"
"No! No, you... you don't need to do that. Honestly."
"You shouldn't be alone, Sam."
"I'm not alone." Sam internally kicked herself as she was greeted by silence on the other end of the phone.
"You're... not?"
"No, my team are here."
"Is General O'Neill there too?"
"Yeah, he is." She knew what was coming.
She could hear him moving papers around as he held the phone.
"I'll drive down to you after work then, how's that?"
He wasn't going to let the issue drop if the indignant tone suddenly lacing his voice was anything to go by. Looking over her shoulder, Sam realised Jack had been watching her the whole time and yet she didn't feel like he was intruding, unlike Pete with his expected phone call. Suddenly a lightbulb switched on in her mind and for the first time in many days, something was made clear to her and she moved her attention back to the phone.
"I'm, ah, staying at the base tonight."
At this statement, Jack's eyebrows rose. He knew she was lying. He could always tell.
"There's no point in you driving up here to spend the evening by yourself," she continued quickly. "Could you do me a favour though?"
"Sure babe, what?"
"Can you meet at me at the house tomorrow? I have some work to do in the morning, but I'll text you later with a time, okay?"
"Sure. Should I book the next few days off? I can help you sort through whatever I can."
"You don't need to do that, just be there... please."
Reluctantly he agreed and after bidding each other a strained goodbye, she hung up the phone.
"Staying at the base?" Jack asked, his amusement evident.
"I didn't know what else to say."
"Carter, what's going on between you and Pete."
"Sir?"
"He's your fiancé! Yet you don't want him around and you're lying - albeit - badly to him. If you've had an argument or something -"
"It's not that, Sir. It's just... it's complicated."
"Well, don't think you think you should address it? You do get married in what, a week?"
It pained Jack to say it out loud, but he didn't fail to miss her shift slightly in her seat, or her mood darken immediately after the words left his mouth. She shook her head slowly, opening her mouth to speak, but suddenly thought better of it.
He watched closely and saw a determined look return to her eyes. Whatever she was going to say, the moment had passed and she had filed it away to the back of her mind.
"I really need to get started with dad's funeral arrangements, Sir."
***
The sound of a truck coming to a stop nearby pulled Sam from her thoughts. She glanced at her watch. 1130. Pete was right on time. As he got out of his truck, Sam stood slowly from her spot on the bench. She let go of a breath she hadn't realised she was holding, and started to hate herself for what she was about to do.
***