WackyJacqsFanFiction

Step In A Puddle And Splash Your Friend 

 

Author's Note: Because even the flagship team needs to take a day off every now and again. Also ties in with a holiday of the same name which takes place on 11 January each year. Set during Season 7, before Chimera.

Pairing: Sam/Jack (slight).

Rating: General.

First Published: January 2013.

Status: COMPLETE.
 

"Close the iris!" Hammond instructed as he descended the final few stairs into the Control Room.

 

Coming to a stop behind Walter, the General watched as the security teams filed into the Gate Room and he tried to stamp down on his worry; none of the teams were due to start coming home for another four hours.

 

"Any IDC," he asked, his eyes never leaving the metal cover guarding the gate.

 

Walter shook his head. "No, Sir. There's no... Receiving SG-1's IDC, Sir," he corrected quickly as the code flashed across the screen.

 

"Open the iris," General Hammond ordered, before moving to the intercom and instructing a medical team to stand by. It was SG-1 after all and they were famous for finding trouble where none existed. He turned back to face the shimmering blue event horizon when a damp-looking Daniel, Sam and Teal'c stepped through, finally followed by one soaked - and incredibly annoyed - Colonel O'Neill.

 

Frowning, the General turned and headed to the Gate Room where he met the team at the bottom of the ramp.

 

"SG-1, you weren't due back for another six hours. Report."

 

He was met with silence as the four members exchanged glances. Looking to each one, he noticed they all appeared to have been caught in a storm as their damp BDUs clung to their skin... and a large puddle of water was now beginning to gather at his feet. None of them seemed injured however.

 

"We're fine, Sir," Carter answered with a small smile as she saw the medical team hovering in the doorway.

 

Catching nods of agreement from Daniel and Teal'c, Hammond dismissed the medical personnel, turning back to his officers just in time to hear Jack mumble, "Maybe you're fine, but I'm certainly not."

 

George frowned momentarily in concern before a snort of amusement from the Major made him look closer at his flagship team.

 

Daniel was running a damp sleeve of his BDU jacket over his face before trying - unsuccessfully - to dry his glasses with the cuff. He also looked sheepish and was avoiding any eye contact with the Colonel. Major Carter was looking more amused than the archeologist, especially when she chewed on her bottom lip in an attempt to stop herself from laughing as her CO started wringing out his military issued cap over the General's shoes. After a wince and a mumbled 'Sorry, Sir,' from Jack, the General looked to Teal'c to see him virtually dry, but the corner of his mouth upturned ever-so-slightly.

 

"Colonel. Care to explain why you're back so early, and why you seem considerably more... wet... than your teammates?"

 

A chorus of sniggers met the Generals' words.

 

"Mission was a bust, Sir," Jack answered gruffly as he glared at his two scientists. "There's nothing of any real value on the planet. No civilization, no old rocks for Daniel to read and drool over... Even Carter's doohickey found nothing out of the ordinary with the soil," he added, putting a finger in his ear to dispel some of the water in there.

 

"Very well. That doesn't quite explain your current appearance though, Colonel."

 

Hammond cast another glance at Jack's team to see, once more, their amusement quite apparent. He turned to Jack, raising an eyebrow impatiently.

 

"We, ah, got caught in a storm on the way back, Sir," Jack answered, sounding unconvincing, even to himself.

 

A heavy sigh from the General was the response he received.

 

"Briefing Room, now."

 

***

 

"Start from the beginning, SG-1," Hammond sighed as he took a seat at the head of the table.

 

"We treated the mission the same as we usually do, Sir," Carter began from his - and Jack's - left. "Following an initial scan of the area, we moved out. After a brief look around the site, we found a suitable place for camp and secured the surrounding area. Colonel O'Neill and Teal'c remained on watch the entire time Daniel and I worked."

 

Nodding his head, Hammond turned to Teal'c, who was sitting to his immediate right, as he picked up where Sam left off.

 

"Major Carter and Daniel Jackson only had a few hours to explore before nightfall. After dinner there was a rain storm. Nothing else eventful occurred as we took our designated watch."

 

"Right," Daniel added with a nod of the head. "This morning, after breakfast, Sam and I had been working for a couple of hours when Jack told, or rather ordered us to take a break." He glanced briefly at Jack before frowning slightly, his gaze falling to his entwined hands which rested on the table. "Jack was, ah, starting to get a little bored by this stage," Daniel added slowly.

 

Hammond turned to face the man in question. "Colonel?"

 

"The storm lasted most of the night, Sir," Jack answered with a casual wave of his hand, causing water drops to land on the table.

 

"And that relates to your boredom, how, exactly," Hammond asked warily, knowing all too well the trouble Jack could get himself into when he was bored.

 

"There was nothing to do there!" Jack answered defensively, before adding a hasty "Sir" onto the end at his CO's exasperated expression. "Everything was wet; I couldn't even take a load off because the ground was saturated and muddy," he grumbled childishly.

 

"Indeed. O'Neill appeared most annoyed at the planet's weather conditions," Teal'c stated.

 

Seeing Jack shrug sheepishly, Hammond ran a hand across his forehead as the first signs of a headache emerged.

 

"Dare I ask how you... alleviated, this boredom, Colonel. Bearing in mind you were on a mission."

 

"I was ever the consumate professional, General," Jack answered guardedly, ignoring the snickers coming from Sam and Daniel.

 

"Teal'c," George asked, turning to the Jaffa for the answer.

 

"As Major Carter and Daniel Jackson returned to their work, O'Neill and I began discussing the nature of a Tau'ri holiday -"

 

"- it was Teal'c's idea," Jack cut in.

 

"- wherein one celebrates their friendship with another human by splashing them with water."

 

Silence filled the Briefing Room as a bemused, and slightly frustrated Hammond, looked to each one of them.

 

"What?"

 

"Teal'c has a calendar in his quarters, Sir," Carter answered.

 

"Which, by the way, Daniel thought was a good idea to buy," Jack interrupted, glaring at the archeologist.

 

"It was a present just after Teal'c joined us from Chulak. It was to help him understand some of Earth's customs better!" Daniel replied in exasperation, as Sam drew in a deep breath and closed her eyes.

 

"What, '365 holidays you never knew existed'," Jack shot back. "There's probably a good reason why we never knew they existed, Danny Boy."

 

"Well, you should know after your little demonstration," Daniel answered with a smirk.

 

"Gentlemen!" Hammond barked from his seat. "Major, continue. Please," he all but begged.

 

Sam nodded slowly. "Well Sir, according to Teal'c, today was, ah..."

 

"National Step In A Puddle And Splash Your Friend Day," Daniel supplied a little too happily.

 

"Thank you, Daniel," Jack growled.

 

George glared at the man sitting to his immediate left.

 

"Colonel! You are a decorated Air Force officer. You were also offworld on an alien planet. For your sake - and my sanity - please tell me this isn't going where I think it is."

 

Jack shifted uncomfortably in his seat as his wet BDUs stuck to the leather upholstery. "Not exactly, Sir."

 

"Which means?"

 

"Teal'c was having issues with part of the, uh, holidays description," Daniel offered.

 

Casting a glance at the Jaffa, Teal'c continued.

 

"I simply enquired as to why one had to jump in a puddle to signify their friendship."

 

"After a bit of a discussion," Daniel continued carefully, "Jack decided that, ah, it was probably just for... fun," he finished with a confused expression.

 

"Shut up, Daniel," Jack retorted.

 

"I'm just relaying our mission," the younger man defended.

 

"General," Sam cut in, before her CO had a chance to respond. Again. "It's true. Teal'c had never encountered this... tradition... before, and Colonel O'Neill being the..."

 

"Easy," Jack warned.

 

"...good leader that he is," Sam said with an apologetic grimace, "offered to show Teal'c how to... jump. In a puddle. And splash your friend. Sir."

 

Wide eyes flew to Jack in a rage. "Colonel!"

 

"It was only a small puddle, General, and Teal'c picked the concept up pretty quick," Jack argued quickly before leaning back in his chair. "He's an astute guy."

 

"It was a most enlightening and - entertaining - learning curve, General Hammond."

 

"That still doesn't explain why you are currently dripping all over my base, Colonel."

 

Straightening, Jack turned deadly serious and if Hammond didn't know any better he'd swear the man was nervous. "Uh, well, you see General..."

 

"It turned... competitive, Sir," Carter answered, her blue eyes twinkling brightly with amusement.

 

"I beg your pardon, Major."

 

She bit her cheek to stop herself from smiling, and sent Daniel a look of gratitude when he answered on her behalf.

 

"Teal'c was creating a larger... 'splash' than Jack. So, Jack began looking for bigger puddles."

 

George closed his eyes and sighed heavily as he tried not to mutter an expletive at the childish antics of his Second-in-Command.

Risking a glance at his Commanding Officer, Jack shrank further into his seat as the vein on Hammond's neck began to throb ferociously.

 

"There was a line of puddles marking our route back to the gate," Teal'c voiced after a moment. "O'Neill claimed 'shotgun' to the puddles on the right hand side of the path, and informed me that mine were on the left."

 

The Jaffa paused and looked to O'Neill pointedly, his amusement returning to the surface once again and Jack took that as his cue. He was already in hot water - no pun intended - as it was, so he decided he might as well speak up.

 

"Things were fine with the first three puddles, Sir," he began only to stop when movement from the corner of his eye drew his attention.

 

Sliding his gaze to his left, he saw Carter's shoulders shaking and a smile on her lips. Narrowing his eyes, he turned to face her. "It wasn't that funny, Major."

 

"Oh, I beg to differ. Colonel," she giggled no longer bothering to stay quiet.

 

Daniel soon joined in with her laughter, which turned out to be the proverbial straw for Hammond.

 

"Does someone want to get to the point and tell me what the hell happened out there," he bellowed.

 

It was Daniel who eventually spoke.

 

"Jack misjudged his final 'target', General."

 

"Misjudged?"

 

"Indeed," Teal'c confirmed with a tilt of his head. "O'Neill's puddle was much deeper than anticipated."

 

Hammond looked to his now red-faced 2IC and everything started to click into place. Despite the ridiculousness - not to mention inappropriateness - of the officer's behavior, he felt himself siding with the remaining members of SG-1. Keeping his tone neutral, but somehow already knowing the answer, he asked, "How much deeper?"

 

In answer, Jack flung his arms out wide in a 'What do you think?' gesture, which only served to draw another bout of laughter from the scientists.

 

"The Colonel jumped into the puddle, Sir," Carter answered, her voice wavering as she tried to contain her laughter, "but the hole in the ground was deep. So deep, in fact, that.."

 

"The water came up to his shoulders!" Daniel finished with a snort before doubling over in laughter.

 

Seeing they weren't going to be of any further use, Teal'c stole Hammond's attention.

 

"We managed to pull O'Neill safely from the..." He tilted his head as he thought over Jack's terminology, "motherfu-"

 

"Puddle, T. Just... just puddle," Jack quickly answered, ignoring Sam's choked cough from beside him. Risking a glance to his right, Jack saw the base commander shaking his head.

 

"Jack..." Hammond trailed off, at a loss for words.

 

"Yes, Sir?"

 

"Is that what happened," he finally asked.

 

Jack grimaced before shifting in his seat. Clearing his throat, he spoke quietly. "Yes, Sir."

 

Nodding slowly, Hammond pursed his lips as he studied the Colonel. "I see."

 

As the bizarre details of the mission had all been shared and re-lived, George could now - almost - see the funny side. It didn't mean he was about to let Jack off the hook however.

 

"Is there anything you would like to add, Colonel?"

 

Jack opened his mouth to speak, only to snap it shut when Carter lightly nudged his elbow.

 

"No, Sir."

 

"Alright, go get cleaned up, SG-1. Dismissed," he acquiesced, pushing his chair back and standing at the head of the table.

 

Carter and O'Neill moved to follow, but the loud squelching sound emanating from the latter sent another round of laughter floating through the Briefing Room.

 

"Colonel, I'd like to have a word with you in my office in thirty minutes," Hammond said sternly.

 

Jack sighed in defeat. "Yes, Sir."

 

With that, Hammond began walking to his office, leaving the team to exchange amused, yet slightly concerned, glances.

 

"It'll be fine," Jack commented coolly, although he didn't look fully convinced himself.

 

They made their way to the staircase when Hammond's voice stopped them.

 

"And Jack?"

 

"Yes, Sir?"

 

The General turned to face Jack and the dripping Air Force officer sighed heavily as he saw a small grin appear on the Texan's face.

 

"Next time... watch your step. We don't want you creating too much of a splash across the galaxy after all," he chuckled, before disappearing into his office, leaving three amused members of SG-1 and a very disgruntled Colonel O'Neill behind.